Anthony Weiner: Chronic Cheater

I have a visceral negative reaction to cheating, no matter who is doing the cheating and regardless of whether or not I'm personally involved. The first time I ever heard of anyone "cheating" was the Monica Lewinsky scandal back when I was 10 years old. I was completely horrified by it! Why would a husband do that to his wife? What did Hillary do to deserve that? How could a father do that to his daughter? I was very upset with Bill Clinton in my little kid mind.

Fifteen years later, I haven't changed much when it comes to this topic. If anything, I take a harder line on it. Eight years ago I was on the "Monica" side of a cheating situation. I was 17 and when I realized how morally wrong everything I was doing actually was, I was the one who ended it. He is still married to the same woman. I've recently found out that he has continued cheating on her for seven years with at least three other girls.

Three years ago when I heard about Tiger Woods cheating on his wife with multiple women, I was destroyed. My dad had been through two heart surgeries and used the inspiration he got from Tiger's golf game to help himself get through physical therapy. Suddenly all of that meant nothing. Sure, his game still stood, but what did Tiger himself stand for?

Two years ago, Anthony Weiner was caught sexting many women. His wife, Huma, was pregnant with their son and I cried when I heard the news. Huma is a role model for women everywhere and she was publicly humiliated by her husband. A lot of women wanted her to leave Anthony because we all knew it was a chronic problem, not just a one-time occurrence (not that having a one-time fling is okay--Bill Clinton--it just changes the game a little bit).

Two weeks ago, Weiner got caught again. And it's not like the sexting was from 2011--it's from one year ago. A year ago is also around the same time he was in People Magazine saying he felt "like a different person."

When the new sexts came out a few weeks ago, people were shocked. Why? We need to learn that when people have a chronic cheating problem, it's chronic. That means that it does not go away. Men (and women) who cheat over and over, promising they'll "never do it again" every time they get caught, do not change.

Some people argue that rehab helps. Sure, just like it helps an alcoholic or drug user: that person will be fine until something triggers them and they need control or a "high" or whatever they use their addiction for.

Anthony Weiner is not a "different person." Neither is Tiger Woods or the guy I was involved with eight years ago. These chronic cheaters will always cheat. So don't let them cheat you by voting for them.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Rate-Your-Men App: Creepy, Sexist

Author's Note: It's good to be back! I had a wonderful wedding and honeymoon! Thank you all for being so patient and continuing to visit the site and blog while I've been gone. Wedding article coming soon!

Today I came across this news story about an app called "Lulu." It is a "girls-only" free app on which you can rate your male Facebook friends, including ex-boyfriends. You give them a number between 0 and 10 and then can leave descriptions, as well as positive and negative hashtags about them for other girls to see. The Lulu app is supposed to use "the power of collective wisdom to offer insights on life and love, and everything in between," according to its description on the App Store.

To write this piece with appropriate research, I downloaded the app. It might be one of the creepiest apps I've ever had! Every guy on your Facebook friends list is imported into this collage called a "dashboard." You can see their average score from all the girls who have rated them. When you click on a guy's photo, you see who has rated them: "friend," "hookup," "together," or "crush" and what hashtags they've used to describe them.

The screenshot to the right shows a guy who has had two hookups in a month. What happens when he wants a serious relationship? Are girls going to be scared off because of his "ratings?"

In this other screenshot I took, it shows the hashtags that girls have given him. What on earth does #QuestionableSearchHistory mean? The "best" hashtags include things like #RespectsWomen and #4.0GPA. What happened to the first date?! Why can't we find these things out on our own like we used to? And just because there's a hashtag on a guy, does that mean it's true? Is this now a digital way to pass up potential guys based on a hashtag, much like we used to dismiss guys based on their looks?

The other creepy thing about this app is that it has a "Last Seen" section to let all the ladies out there know where this eligible (or not eligible) man was seen. This seems a little too close to stalking. The guys are not providing this information--the girls are!

Now that we've explored the general creepiness of this act, there's something a little more morally questionable about the Lulu app: if guys had an app like this to rate the girls they know, there would be a lawsuit in less than 24 hours and it would get shut down. There is no way our society would support guys "objectifying women" and "pigeon-holing them with things such as hashtags." I am willing to bet that the same girls running around rating all the guys on Lulu would be horrified if there were guys rating photos of them in their bikinis and talking about their last "hookup."

Our society is in a habit of calling out sexism when men do it to women, but calling it "women's empowerment" and "collective wisdom" when women do it to men. This is a really good example of this blatantly obvious double standard.

This app was created by women, for women. Ladies, let's have a little self-respect. Women still struggle every day to get real, tangible equality. Do you really think teaching girls that it's okay to stalk the men they're interested in and that it's okay to say mean (oh--I mean "wise") things about guys because "they'll never see it" has any integrity? Is it good for girls to be used to objectifying men and then be massively offended when a guy makes an offhand comment about their looks because they feel that they are "only wanted for their looks?"

Lulu is an app that is, in my opinion, more destructive than helpful. It is extremely creepy and sexist. This is the kind of app that we need to speak out against and not allow to take hold in our already struggling society.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

"NSA Collects Data." And We're Surprised Because...?

Author's Note: Thank you to my readers for being so patient between articles. I'm now two weeks away from my wedding, so I'm running around like a crazy person! 

Last week Edward Snowden shared the news that the NSA collects data from phone customers and keeps it for its use as it sees fit. Apparently it also collects user data from Google, Facebook, and some other sites.

After the first year anniversary of dating my boyfriend, I started getting engagement ring ads on Facebook (why I got them and he didn't, I don't know!). After we got engaged, Facebook started giving me wedding dress ads. Google ads always seem to "know" where I am or what I'm interested in: concert ticket ads for bands I like, flower ads in my wedding colors, jewelry ads, etc. If Facebook and Google "know" these things about me, why are people shocked by the revelation that the NSA knows all of that plus our phone numbers and emails?

We are in an age of oversharing: people are willingly putting all the little details of their lives in public places. I don't think it's surprising at all that corporations and the government are using what we give them. Sure, there are "privacy policies" on Facebook and Google, but come on; who really thinks they have a private Facebook page? It seems ridiculous to even put "private" and "Facebook" in the same sentence! 

In all honesty, I've always assumed that the government knows everything I put online, every phone call I make, and everywhere I go that has a guest list. I don't mind that at all; it's my choice to "check in" when I get to certain places, use a cell phone, and "like" different things online. I am willingly sharing my life with my friends, strangers, and government, so I don't feel like I should be very upset that all of that data is collected.

What I do mind is the part of Snowden's report that explains that the government can use any and all of the data it's collecting now (and has been collecting) in the future to paint someone as something they're not. For example, ten years from now, let's say I write an inflammatory article condemning something the government does. Let's say it gets lots of attention and the government doesn't like it. The government could come back to this article that I'm writing now, find all my other articles, and paint me as someone who is argumentative, jumps on big news stories, and likes attention, thereby either discrediting me or turning me into this long-time radical political activist who needs to be--*cough, cough, wink, wink*--detained.

Do I get to choose what I share with the government? Kind of. Do I get to choose how the government uses the information I share? Not a chance! So. Is it ethical for the government to collect the information I willingly share with anyone who can find it on the internet? I'm going to go ahead and say, "sure." Yes, "requesting" my provided information from companies is different than "collecting" information unknowingly, but the government has made thousands of requests for personal information from Facebook and Google and I'm willing to bet that it was unbeknownst to those users. If the government "collects" my information without my knowledge, fine. 

Technically, any one of us can "collect" any information on anyone we want and we definitely don't have to tell them. I'm willing to bet that out of my 1,000+ Facebook friends, I could find at least 10 where I could go back in their "timelines" and find something that I could twist to make look horrible and get them fired from their jobs. Frankly, I am more concerned about the prospect of a Facebook "friend" that I met once five years ago trying to ruin my career for their own amusement than I am about the fact that the government is "collecting" my information.

This is a massive debate that is important to have, but we need to realize that it will be ongoing for as long as technology advances. I think we need to come to terms with the fact that while technology helps us and gives us access to things we couldn't even have imagined 50 years ago, it also gives strangers an inside look at our own personal lives; strangers that (for now) include the government.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

P.S. Hi, NSA, CIA, and/or FBI agent who's reading this to make sure I'm not a terrorist! Spoiler alert: I'm not. Hope you guys and gals have a wonderful day!

Grateful

My fiancé's parents are getting us a new washer and dryer for our wedding! Last night we went shopping with my future mother-in-law for them. We looked at all sorts of different kinds of washers and dryers: with or without fabric softener, digital or knobs, and top loaders vs. front loaders. We ended up settling on a really great Whirlpool set that saves water, energy, and doesn't have more digital technology than the first moon lander.

Through all of this, though, I had a thought: a decade ago, I was thrilled that we had a wringer in Vanuatu to wring out our hand-washed clothes instead of having to wring them out by hand before hanging them to dry. We always washed our clothes by hand in Vanuatu--there wasn't electricity to run a washer. And drying them, well, that's what a clothesline was for!

So, today I am grateful to have been born here. Even though I have all these awful medical things "wrong" with me, I won the genetic lottery: I live in a country that allows me to be successful, rich (compared to 5/6 of the world), and very picky about things that people in other countries can't even imagine.

Be grateful.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Top 5: Summer Edition

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what I'm going to do with this blog over the summer. For the next six weeks, I'm going to be incredibly busy with wedding plans and visiting my family. I don't want to shut the site down, but I might not have enough time to update this every day. So here's what I've decided: I'm going to try to keep writing every day, but the articles will probably be shorter. I would rather have frequent, short updates than sporadic, long articles. That way I can still keep up with everything that's going on in the world and stay connected with all of you, but I can get everything done that needs to get done!

So, that being said...it's summer!!! I love summer so much! These are my five favorite things about summer:

Yum!!!

1. Huge Salads. I love salads! The other day I suggested to my fiancé (a non-salad person) that we have salads for dinner. He was confused and kind of upset that I wanted to have a side item as our main dish. But then we made great salads: lettuce, hard boiled eggs, ham, cheese, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, and a little Italian dressing. And guess what? He loved the salad! :-) 

2. Swimming. My absolute favorite kind of exercise is swimming! Sure, it's fun to go to the pool and hang out, but I love swimming laps! It is so calming and it's great for your body: no impact on your joints! For those of us with the worst joints on the planet, it's a life-saver. 

So many parks!!!

3. Parks. The other day I was wandering around the internet trying to find something fun to do in our area. I came across a Cincinnati Parks app! There are a billion parks around here that I've never been to! I love going to the park and walking or reading or picnicking! Parks are the best during the summer!

4. Fun clothes. Unpacking the summer clothes is one of my favorite things! Wearing fun colors and great dresses is so great! I am, however, incredibly picky about my clothes and I guess this year is not really my year when it comes to buying new clothes. There are teeny tiny inseams on the shorts, awful neon colors, and boxy baggy shirts and dresses. But I was thinking about it yesterday while I was shopping and I think wearing clothes that you think are "fun" and make you feel good is the most important thing. Having fun in the summer is only possible when you feel your best! So wear what you think is "fun" and ignore the haters!

My fiancé and me!

5. Summer romance. My fiancé is a teacher, so during the year it's always go-go-go. I love getting to spend time with him in the summer! Getting to spend quality time with each other is something incredibly important for everyone's relationship. Get that old-school summer romance by taking an evening stroll around the neighborhood and holding your sweetie's hand or watching the stars come out together! 

Happy Summer, everyone! :-)

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Rerun: 5 Ways to Raise Your Self-Esteem--FAST!

Every now and again it's easy to feel sad, which can lead to being overly critical, which can lead to poor self-esteem. Here are five sure-fire ways to get you back to loving yourself in no time!

1. Write down 10 things you love about yourself. Start with 5 physical traits (e.g. hair, eyes, voice, etc) and then write 5 personality traits (e.g. passionate, loving, caring, etc), so you can identify the difference.

2. What's a chore you've been dreading (e.g. cleaning out the fridge, moving the couch to vacuum under it, etc)? Give yourself a finite amount of time in which to get it done and then finish it! It'll be off your mind and you'll be surprised at how much better you feel!

3. Do something that makes you feel good. Again, so you can identify how you think about yourself, start with the physical self: paint your nails, use a great body wash, or try a new shade of lipstick! Then do something that makes your mind feel good: do a brain teaser, meditate, or solve a self-problem you've been working on lately.

4. Identify something you are ridiculously good at and enjoy doing (e.g. painting, singing, writing, etc) and make at least 15 minutes a day for yourself to work on that passion. Having time to do your hobby every day will allow you to relax and clear your mind.

5. Do something nice for someone else. Anything from giving a compliment to sharing food to giving a gift will do the trick here! When you do something that is not egocentric, you will get a sense of fulfillment that will help you feel better about yourself.

Make today great!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Are Ads Fueling Bad Parenting?

I watch TV on a daily basis. I am also very sensitive to what I perceive to be "right" and "wrong" when it comes to family values. Lately I've noticed that a few ads have had the adverse effect on me than what the advertisers were going for. While I've noticed what they are for and remember them, they leave a bad taste in my mouth.

For example, a couple of commercials have implied that poor parenting is acceptable. In the following Nutella ad, the mother doesn't enforce anything she says: "Breakfast is ready!" No kids come. She says that she's putting Nutella on their toast and then they come. The mother says, "Put your plates in the sink, grab your backpacks" and the kids run off without cleaning up their plates, like she had asked. In response to this, she just smiles and waves it off. If I had ignored my mother like that when I was a kid, I would have been in so much trouble! I feel like this commercial is saying "it's okay" if your kids don't listen to you and you need to bribe them with a supposedly healthy treat to get them to follow directions. I think this mother needs to get a spine and set some expectations in the household.



This PediaSure commercial blew my mind. The little girl is trying to "poof" her healthy food away. The mom says that since she gives her daughter a PediaSure snack, she "doesn't have to worry so much" during dinner. Worry about what? Her daughter not eating her healthy food? Why not just tell your daughter that she is required to eat her food? I remember when I was five years old I sat at the table for an hour because I was refusing to eat my homemade tomato soup. My parents wouldn't let me leave the table until I finished. An hour later, it became clear to me that I was going to lose this battle if I kept it up, so I finished my (now cold) soup. What happened to parents enforcing rules?


In this Allstate ad, the dad says he's going to spend the money he saves by using Allstate instead of another insurance company to get noise canceling headphones after the kids start fighting and screaming in the background. While I think it was supposed to be a joke, the parents look resigned and the agent looks like she could not agree more. This commercial makes me feel like "it's okay" to just ignore your kids and let them fight it out. While, sure, all parents have felt this way at some point, wouldn't it be better for the media to be promoting good parenting?



So these are only three commercials, but I've had a TV for less than a year and before these three ads, I'd never seen anything like this. If anything, ads made it seem like everyone in them loved being in a family. But these three ads caught my eye because I'm not used to seeing parents refuse to do their jobs and parent their kids.

What are these ads teaching parents? That if you're busy and give your kid a semi-healthy snack it's okay to put on headphones and ignore them? That you're not the only parent who's overwhelmed and doesn't want to enforce rules in your house?

And what are these ads teaching kids? Granted, kiddos don't really watch ads, but they absorb everything. Everything! Are kids learning that it's okay to refuse to eat veggies because mommy can buy a shake that you will get for a snack? That it's fine for you to fight as long as your parents don't care enough to help you and your sibling learn to compromise? That it's totally okay to ignore a direct order from your mom because she'll just laugh and wave it off?

Parenting is something I take very seriously--and I'm not even a parent yet! It is hardwired in my brain to think in every situation, "How would I explain this to my kid?" or "Would I feel like it's appropriate for my child to take part in this or watch this or have this become part of their habits?" Sure, I don't have kids yet, but I have two extraordinary parents who took their jobs as parents extremely seriously. And I feel like these ads are not conducive to promoting a culture of good parenting.

What do you think?

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi