Iran Deal Riles Americans. Should It?

Last night, a group of countries reached a treaty with Iran to start working on its nuclear stuff.

Does it sound like I have no idea what happened last night?! That's because I don't have any idea what happened last night. Sure, I can parrot back news headlines and what my senators have to say about the deal; but could I explain it to a sixth grader? Not a chance. And I'm not alone.

Most people in the US are not foreign diplomats. Most people in the US are not nuclear engineers. Most people in the US know about foreign relations and nuclear treaties based only on what the media shows them.

This morning I woke up and on my Facebook Newsfeed one of my friends was calling Obama "a dangerous president" because of the deal we made last night. Another friend said that "our country is going downhill and now taking the rest of the world with it."

Really? Is that what you think based on your years of experience in the field? Or is that what the news channel that you decided to watch told you?

Our age of 24-hour news has made all of us "experts" and we all have our "expert opinions" that we try to shove down other people's throats on social media. I'm willing to bet that neither one of my friends who commented about Iran's nuclear program has any reason to think what they think other than "well, that's what a particular news channel said" or "well, that's what a particular senator who disagrees with the President said."

Come on, guys. Even if you "research" your opinions on foreign relations, how are you so arrogant to think that you know better than the people you put in office? Oh, you didn't vote for Obama? Well, tough cookies. You still put him in office. And if you think that reading a couple of articles about Iran's nuclear program makes you more qualified to form an opinion and create a plan than the President (regardless of his party), you're arrogant.

None of us know what exactly is going on in that program.
None of us can fathom what's at stake.
None of us should think that we know better than experts just because we watched a certain news channel.

The age we live in is showing just how quick we are to take sides and fight to the death for something we know nothing about. We know so little and yet we are so willing to put everything on the line to tell everyone how "much" we know and why everyone should agree with us.

A year ago, I "knew" that the guy I voted for was the bomb-diggety and I couldn't wait to rub it in the faces of people who lost the election. I was super-arrogant about everything, too. I am beyond grateful that I've been humbled to the point that I have realized just how little I know about everything that I was writing and fighting about last year. It's made me see how silly people who think that they're being "progressive" or "politically active" make themselves look so much of the time.

I believe in having opinions (obviously) and I believe in voting for the person you think will do the best job carrying out your opinions. But I do not believe in pretending to know anything about other countries' nuclear programs or anything where you have to go through years of specialized training to know anything about it.

This week is Thanksgiving. Instead of trying to provoke people into arguments and violence, put your arrogance down and be thankful--be so thankful--for the little that you do know.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi 

To College Students

I was in school at the University of Louisville for five years, getting my undergrad in music education. I did all the "normal" college things: went out with friends, went to class most of the time, had fun, and learned a lot. I graduated in 2012 and haven't been back very much since then. 

By chance--well, by scheduling problems--I ended up back at the School of Music the other day waiting for my sister. I was planning on just hanging out in the music library until she came to pick me up. To my delight, though, the tenor and baritone professors were giving a joint concert! I sat in the back of the concert hall while I waited for my sister to pick me up and had these thoughts that I wanted to share with every college student:

• During college, you are surrounded by professionals who are highly respected in their fields and who want to share what they know with you. Take the time to learn from them! Don't just go to class--go to office hours, pick their brains, and make connections that will last. For most of you, this is the one time in your life that you will have access to these people--use them! It's what they signed up for!
• Stay focused. It's so easy to get sidetracked in college! There are a million things to do besides anything that has to do with your future goals. Keep your eye on the prize and work for it. You will always have the opportunity to make friends and go out; you will not always have the opportunity to get a great education and take the amazing classes you have access to.
• Take the time to stay in love with your major. Getting to hear the concert at my alma mater made me remember how much I love music. When I was in college, it always felt like music was a chore: one more concert that takes my evening away, one more solo piece to learn on top of everything else I have to do, one more set of instrument fingerings to cram into my already full brain. I rarely felt as moved by music in college as I did the other night, listening to those two amazing professors. Take a step back every now and again and remember the reason you wanted to major in the subject you chose.

All of this might sound a little sappy, but seriously, take advantage of where you are. I've been out of college for 18 months and can't tell you how much I'd change if I got to do it over again. I had a great college experience, don't get me wrong, but there is so much that I still want to learn and had the chance to learn--and didn't!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Grade School Government: Shutdown Edition

There has been so much press and media coverage about the federal government shutdown that, in all honesty, I was going to ignore it and let everyone else blog about it. But then it happened and it looks like it's here to stay for a while, so that's my cue to weigh in. :-)

The Reality of the Situation in Plain English

• The name of the healthcare plan is The Affordable Care Act (ACA); not Obamacare.
• The ACA was passed by Congress and signed into law by President Obama in 2009. 
• The ACA is not unconstitutional. It was a bill, then it went through the process that bills have to go through to become laws, then it became a law. It's just like any other law.
• A lot of people don't like certain laws. The laws are still laws, regardless of how popular they are (like how much we have to pay in federal taxes--not a lot people love it, but we still do it).
• A small faction of House Republicans is demanding that President Obama change the law that was passed through their part of Congress four years ago. 
• President Obama is not required to change the ACA by any stretch of the imagination. It's not really his problem. Think about it: if a bunch of people didn't like our tax laws, it would be completely inappropriate to call the President and demand that he negotiate with them. It's not his problem. That's not his job description.
• House Republicans are holding the American people and the American economy hostage by allowing--no, demanding--a federal government shutdown.
• Hundreds of thousands of federal workers are being asked to stay home without pay.
• Our Congressmen and Congresswomen still get their paychecks, in-house doctor, and private post office. They lost their shoe shiner, barber, and elevator attendant due to the shutdown. My heart goes out to them while they actually have to shine their own shoes, go to a public barber, and push their own elevator buttons. Must be hard.
• This shutdown is costing our country $300M every day it's in effect.

So what it all boils down to is this: 

Grade school Congressmen: "Do it our way or we're taking our toys and going home."

President: "What are you talking about?"

Grade school Congressmen: "It's our way or the highway!"

President: "Um...nope, that's not quite how that works."

Grade school Congressmen: "You negotiate with terrorists!"

And then the government shut down.

To the unhappy House Republicans: You lost one. The law passed four years ago. Suck it up. Oh, and do the jobs you were elected to do instead of making hundreds of thousands of your constituents lose money over your pissing match.

To the unhappy Washington Democrats: Stop being jerks about all of this. For those of us paying attention, we know. It's not you, it's them. Fine. Just stop being so horribly rude to each other. You're not endearing yourselves to anyone.

To the extremely unhappy extreme right-wing of this country: Will you please just take a step back for a minute and look at all of this from an objective perspective? From what I understand, you think that having a "federally run healthcare system" is bad. You don't like big government. Okay, fine. But here's where your system doesn't work: unemployed poor people can't afford healthcare. Unless you're saying, "Well, if poor people (including kids) don't have healthcare, they should have worked harder and gotten to where I am because, by God, if you work hard in America you can be anything, and if you didn't get there, tough luck," you can't be okay with leaving thousands of kids and disabled people without healthcare. And if you are saying that, you're delusional. I know that's how our country worked for you, but that's not the case for every American and if you think it is, you need to go serve food at soup kitchens, help kids learn to read at poor schools, and go talk to people you see living on the streets. Then come back and tell me that we have equal opportunity.

To the extremely unhappy left-wing of this country: Stop acting like you know best and your "people" aren't doing anything wrong. Everyone in Washington is acting like spoiled kids, included the Democrats. Like I suggested for the right: take a step back. Instead of calling each other names and acting like jerks all the time, let's see if we can work together on a solution instead of just walking around saying "neener neener, their guys are going to blink first." That's not helpful and it's incredibly rude. Have some pride.

I would love to see a government in which its employees did not take the country's citizens hostage to gain a political win. I thought we had that. I was wrong. We, as citizens, need to step up and tell our government that what's going on is wrong. Call your Senators and Representatives. This is a link to the Senate page where you can find all of the Senators' phone numbers. This is a link to the corresponding House page. I'll be calling my Senators (Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul) and my Representative (Thomas Massie) today. Join me!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Kids on TV: Good for Kids or Just Good TV?

I was flipping through Hulu Plus this morning and came across a new show: "MasterChef Junior." I'd seen some ads for it and I love "Top Chef" (not "MasterChef" or "Hell's Kitchen"--Ramsey, who is the judge on those as well as "MasterChef Junior" is way too mean for my taste), so I gave it a whirl. Much to my surprise, I actually liked it! It was entertaining, nice to see kids who can be creative and think critically, Ramsey was actually nice, and it was well produced. With a warm, fuzzy feeling inside, I turned off the TV and went about my morning.

And then I got to thinking (much to my chagrin!).

Regardless of whether these kiddos are actors or not (there is apparently some controversy over this right now), is being on shows like this one good for them? Yes, they're making money and making a name for themselves at that age, which our society values and respects, sure. But is it good for the kids? "MasterChef Junior" is by far the best kid-involved show I've seen--there's no yelling (yet), swearing (yet), or making kids feel like they're horrible people (yet). But what does it do to the kids psychologically? Is being on TV something we should encourage and push our kids to do?

When I was in college, my sister and I found the "Toddlers and Tiaras" YouTube channel. It was like watching a car crash--we couldn't look away! We spent an entire Saturday morning watching "Toddlers and Tiaras" episodes. In my opinion, some of what those kids go through could easily be classified as child abuse. But in our society, it's just thought of as "beauty is pain" and we want our little girls to learn to do whatever it takes to be "glamourous" and "beautiful." But those kids are being massively messed with! I don't know how long that show's been on now, but I would love to see a 10 year reunion of those girls and find out how being on "Toddlers and Tiaras" and being in homes like that has affected them. I'm willing to bet that they're not well-balanced young women with high self-esteem.

Another show that involves kids is "DanceMoms." I can't even make it through an episode of it because it's so horrible. The main mom is verbally abusive to the kids and the other moms. What is "DanceMoms" teaching our society? That it's okay for moms to treat their little girls like crap because they "want what's best" for their kids? And what does it teach our kids? That it's okay if mommy yells at you and makes you cry? That if you're not good enough it's better to not try instead of going on stage and doing your best even if you mess up?

We need to think as a collective society: parents, kids, acting studios, "talent" agents, etc: Would we like make a quick buck on a television show that gets good ratings regardless of the content? Or would we rather raise kids in healthy environments and maybe not make as much money because we're not exploiting them for high TV ratings?

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

5 Practical Ways to Spice Up Your Marriage

Author's Note: I've been married for less than 3 months, so this post is not for me or about me, nor should it be seen as a reflection of my marriage! :-)

This morning I saw an interview with the stars of the new ABC show "Betrayed." It's a show about two people who fall in love, even though they're both married to other people. Sam Champion joked that he wanted to run home and make sure his husband is happy! But it got me thinking: what can you do to spice your marriage up if you're in the Doldrums of Monogamy?

What I came up with might seem incredibly dull at first glance, but it all works. None of it is "listen to their needs" type stuff, because I don't know your relationship and what's good for mine might not be good for yours; so it's all stuff you can do. And it's not just for the ladies to do for their husbands, so feminists, when you get your panties in a twist over some of this stuff due to your own assumptions, just relax.

1. Spontaneously do your spouse's laundry. I'm completely serious. Whether you have laundry machines at your house or you go to a laundry facility, do your spouse's laundry for them. You don't have to make a big thing about it and promise to do it forever. It's just a nice gesture that saves them some time and you probably have enough time to take 20 minutes out of your day to make them smile.
Note: Do not tell your spouse, "I'd like to do your laundry for you" and then let them talk you out of it and then feel good about yourself for offering. No! Bad spouse! Just do it! 

2. Pick up your clutter. Then pick up your spouse's clutter. Clutter is something that happens to everyone. And it's like a disease: It starts with, "Well she left her stuff out so I can leave my stuff out" and then progresses to a MESS. If you're not good about picking up your clutter, just pick it up. Then pick up your spouse's clutter. I know it's not yours. I know it's not your dirty dish left on the end table or your half-empty cold cup of coffee left in the bathroom. Do it anyway. It will make them feel happy that you were mature enough to do the right thing even though you didn't have to.
Note: If you do this while they are home, and you do it half-heartedly while sighing loudly, that defeats the purpose. Just a little tip from me to you.

3. Cook a meal for your spouse and eat together. This is considered sweet in many cultures around the world. So do it! Go get groceries and cook a meal. If you guys have different palates, cook something your spouse will like, not your favorite meal that your spouse hates. Then eat together and don't turn the TV on. Talk! To each other. No phones.
Note: Bringing fast food home is not cooking.

4. Do the dishes even if it's not your turn. My husband and I have a routine: one of us cooks and the other one cleans up. It's the same routine my parents had when I was growing up and it's a good one. However, some nights if the person who is supposed to clean up is really busy or something, it would be so nice if you cleaned up after dinner! What else do you have going on? Seriously. What are you going to do while your spouse works? Watch TV? Text someone about what a poop that person is because you had to cook and clean? Tweet about it? Just do the damn dishes without complaint. Trust me, your spouse will notice and they will be happy.
Note: Keeping track of what dishes were supposed to be washed on the other person's night and instead were neglected is considered rude. Do not just let those dishes sit there until your spouse notices. This will cause more problems than it's worth, even though, yes, you have a very RIGHT point. So, actually, if you're more interested in being right than having a good relationship, ignore this.

5. Deal with the pet poop. It doesn't matter what kind of animal(s) you have; poop is gross. No one wants to be on poop patrol. So if you just want to do something nice for your spouse, instead of just ignoring the poop that's in your backyard from your dog or in the litter box from your cat or bunny or clouding up the aquarium from your fish and letting your spouse be the one to get tired of it first and clean it, just deal. Get it done. Then you have happy pets and a happy spouse!
Note: It's disgusting. But it's something that will make your spouse very happy.

How do these mundane things spice up a marriage, you ask?

Well, says I, surprising your spouse is always fun! Wouldn't you rather surprise them with something that makes a difference in your household than something that costs you money and a great deal of planning? I'm not advocating that you do one of these things for your spouse's next birthday, mind you. I'm just saying that you can turn an ordinary Thursday into a fun evening by changing it up! If you do something that saves your spouse time as well as makes them happy, and because of that you have an extra half hour in the evening, I'm sure that together you can come up with a good use of that time!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Mini-Experiment: 1 Month Without TV

In all honesty, this experiment happened by accident! My husband and I had signed up for a great cable package when we moved in July 2012. One year later, the price of that package went up by $40/month! We decided we didn't watch enough television to pay that much per month, so we cancelled our cable, with the understanding that we would get an HD antenna for the TV. That way we could still watch our local channels, which is pretty much all we'd watched when we had cable anyway.

Days turned into weeks after we cancelled our cable; still no HD antenna. I was having a lot of trouble with fibromyalgia flare-ups, my teacher-husband's school year was starting, and we were just generally busy. About two weeks after we cancelled cable, I realized two things:

1. I missed my local ABC station team (WCPO) and the Good Morning America and ABC World News Tonight teams like crazy! I had gotten so used to starting every morning with them, that they'd become like a second family; not to mention the fact that I'd grown up watching Diane Sawyer and seeing her giant poster downtown for the seven years I lived in Louisville, KY. I had been tweeting with them almost every day and had actually developed Twitter relationships with some of the local anchors and reporters, as well as a few people at the national level at ABC. It felt like I was missing something without them in my day.
2. My anxiety level was nowhere near as high as it had been when I was watching the news every day. It's not like I didn't know what was going on; I read the ABC app headlines and stories every day, but did not watch one news video. No war in Syria videos with dead bodies, no anxiety-filled potential Korean attack videos, no celebrity gossip videos, none of it. And I was calmer and happier without all of that horrible footage inundating my home.

So, time went on. And then football season started. I am the biggest football fan ever, so that's when I drove my husband to Best Buy and we chose an HD antenna! I was so excited to see everyone at WCPO and ABC again! It felt like I was seeing friends I hadn't seen in a month! And my anxiety went through the roof.

This mini-experiment was an accident, but I learned so much about myself both during it and in the few weeks since it's been over. I grew up without television, not getting one in my house until I was 16. Since that time, I have loved TV, almost feeling like I'm making up for lost time! But at what cost?

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Job Candidate: The Bipolar Narcoleptic with Fibromyalgia?

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." I end every article with this quote from Gandhi. It's a mantra of mine and I do my best to keep it at the forefront of my actions. But would you change your mantra and, by extension, your actions if you realized it was hurting your chances finding employment?

Over the last two years I've been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, narcolepsy, and bipolar II. I have used ChickOpinion for the last year as a platform to educate people about what these conditions are and how they affect the people who have them. It's my goal to help people who have these conditions cope better with them, and to help people without these conditions learn more about them. Only through education will people truly have compassion. 

I have never been shy about talking about these conditions. It has been my experience that the best way to educate people is to be honest and open about what I go through on a daily basis, so that, hopefully, they can learn from me. More than anything, I want to help people. This has been an uphill battle for me for almost two years now. If I can make that battle easier for someone else, I'll do whatever it takes.

These conditions come with massive stereotypes:

• Fibromyalgia - in pain, lazy, unaccountable
• Narcolepsy - lazy, unsafe, unreliable
• Bipolar II - crazy, unstable, depressed

You don't realize that you're being put into these stereotypes until you take a step back and look at the big picture. For me, my biggest moment of realization came last week when I was mulling over my job situation. Before my diagnoses, I was offered every job I applied for. In the last year, I've applied to over 80 positions, gotten 1 interview, and am still unemployed. I can't prove anything when it comes to discrimination or prejudice in hiring committees, but if you Google my name, you see "fibromyalgia" and "bipolar" first. 

I have done my best to embody my mantra and be the change that I wish to see in this world. I want to give hope to people who don't have a clue how to start living after their diagnoses. I want to make having a neurological condition socially acceptable. I want to be seen as who I am, not as the sum of my conditions. Instead, employers just see a liability.

I am going to continue to talk about all of these conditions, because not enough people speak up. 

I am never going to hide my conditions out of fear, because that only perpetuates the silent spiral of ignorance. 

I am going to be stronger than someone who has never faced conditions like these, because I will not give up.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi