Newtown and the Nation: Looking Forward

I know that all of you have been inundated with the news of the Newtown, Connecticut school shooting on Friday. There's some part of me that feels like I shouldn't write about it, since that's all we've been hearing about since Friday. There's a larger part of me, however, that sees this as something that warrants pause and thought. So here goes.

The children and teachers who were senselessly killed on Friday will leave a hole in the hearts of not only their parents and families, but our entire nation. We've been hearing stories over the last couple of days about those children: their favorite activities, what they'd hoped to do in the future, and the joy they brought to their families and everyone around them. They sound like amazing kids. The faculty who were killed sound like stellar teachers and administrators. They will not be forgotten.

Last night President Obama attended the interfaith memorial service in Newtown. The speech he gave was, in my opinion, one of the best he's given. The overall message was incredibly poignant: "...every parent knows there's nothing we will not do to shield our children from harm...This is our first task, caring for our children. It's our first job. If we don't get that right, we don't get anything right. That's how, as a society, we will be judged. And by that measure, can we truly say, as a nation, that we're meeting our obligations? Can we honestly say that we're doing enough to keep our children, all of them, safe from harm? Can we claim, as a nation, that we're all together there, letting them know they are loved and teaching them to love in return?...I've been reflecting on this the last few days, and if we're honest with ourselves, the answer's no. We're not doing enough. And we will have to change...For those of us who remain, let us find the strength to carry on and make our country worthy of their memory."

While some people take the most obvious issue from this tragedy (gun control) and talk about it, I think we can do better than that. Yesterday, like every Sunday in the fall, I watched football. During the commercials, there were a few previews for television shows that were incredibly disturbing. At the end of them, they all had "Viewer Discretion Advised" written at the top of their last frame. But the previews were shown during the day in the middle of a football game: something that's on in millions of households across America. There was another commercial during the game for a new video game (I don't remember, nor can I find the name of it) in which you have "kill or be killed." It was horrifying. Even though it had an "M for Mature" rating, little kids saw that commercial during the football game and the ones without strict parents will get it if they say that they want it.

We can let the people in Washington argue about what laws they feel are important to pass. A lot of us have opinions on that, too, and that's fine, but that's just the political side of it.

We need to change our society. We have to decide to change. We have to turn off the TV when our kids are home and we know there will be scary things shown, even if it's "our game" that's on. We have to choose to parent our kids and tell them "no" about certain things. We have to teach our kids to love by showing them the love we have for them from the minute they take their first breaths. We have to teach our kids what's right. We have to teach peace. We have to work to "make our country worthy of their memory." We cannot depend on laws to change our society and instill peace in our nation. It starts at home with the family.

And it is work. I love football so much and I hate to think that I'm going to miss watching a lot of "my games" once I have kids, but I'm not going to let my kids watch that. It is work to be a good parent. You have to fight those fights that are hard. But you have to fight them. I was such a stubborn kid when I was little and my parents fought those fights with me and never let me win. I was so angry with them every time I lost those fights. But now I understand why they fought those fights with me and why they were right. Parents need to remember that it's not a popularity contest with their kids and they don't need to be their kids' friends when they're 10 years old. If parents do the hard parenting when their kids need it, the friendship will come later.

Tonight, hug your kids. Talk with your husband or wife about how your family will get through this hard, sad time. Let your kids feel whatever they're feeling right now and express those feelings in the safe ways they need to express them. Never forget this tragedy and victims of it. Let's work together to make sure that we "make our country worthy of their memory."

An angel hand-painted by my great-great aunt Ida Collins. It seemed appropriate for today.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi