This morning I saw this story. It's about a 14-year-old girl at Billings Senior High School who underwent "pre-sexual grooming" by her teacher that led to them having sex back in 2008. When the school administration caught wind of the relationship, the teacher resigned. The case took so long to get through the courts that in early 2010 the girl, just weeks short of her 17th birthday, committed suicide.
On Monday, the judge finally sentenced the teacher: 15 years in prison. And then he suspended all but 30 days of the sentence. The defense attorney said, "She seemed older than her chronological age. Basically what we had was a troubled young girl." The judge said, "It's not probably the kind of rape most people think about. It was not a violent, forcible, beat-the-victim rape, like you see in the movies...It was a troubled young girl, and he was a teacher...She was as in much control [as the teacher]."
It's so easy to blame the girl. "She led the teacher on." "She liked the attention." "He was just trying to be friendly." "If she didn't want him to have sex with her, why did she tell him she did?" Oh, it's so easy. But you know what? Just because it's easy does NOT mean it's correct. In fact, it is a load of crap.
Pre-sexual grooming by a teacher might be the most despicable action that exists. If you're not used to the term "grooming," here's how it starts: the student hangs out after school one day and the teacher engages in friendly chat. Nothing inappropriate. Yet. The teacher starts allowing the student to feel like she's in charge of the budding "relationship." She starts pushing the boundaries. The teacher fakes feeling reluctant, but goes along with it, making the student feel like she's powerful. And there it goes: relationship underway. Completely consensual, completely illegal, completely asinine.
This girl went through the two worst years of her life before she killed herself. Depression, no friends, no social life, no motivation to go to school except to see "him," the "him" of course, being her teacher. Her married teacher. Those two years of her life were so bad and so horrible that she ended it because she could see no other way out.
This teacher killed a girl. And he's getting 30 days in jail. 30 days to sit by himself and think about the fact that in 4 weeks, his life will be back to normal. Sure, he doesn't have a job anymore or a wife waiting for him anymore, but he has a life. His student doesn't. Because he made her life a living hell and she wanted out so badly that she left. He killed her. And he gets 30 days.
I know this girl's mindset. I know how isolated she felt. I know how empowered she thought she was. I know how it felt like nothing would be better ever again. I know how every relationship after him reminded her of him. I know why she never trusted another man again. And I can understand why she ended it.
You might be wondering how I know. I do know what I'm talking about. Because I was the girl.
I was one in a list of a few girls that a teacher pre-groomed to become his mistress. Thankfully for me, I got myself out of it before I slept with him, but after he'd already taken two years away from me. The other girls went all the way with him. The administration covered it up. The teacher is still teaching. Still grooming his girls. And the courts won't do anything because I can't prove it happened. I've seen the "program" he went through after I graduated: a few paragraphs on an article about sexual misconduct with the prompt "how do you feel about this article?" That's what Kentucky does to teachers who sleep with students. That's it.
At least in Montana administrators get around to firing teachers who sleep with their students.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi
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