Teacher Gets 30 Days for Sleeping with Student

This morning I saw this story. It's about a 14-year-old girl at Billings Senior High School who underwent "pre-sexual grooming" by her teacher that led to them having sex back in 2008. When the school administration caught wind of the relationship, the teacher resigned. The case took so long to get through the courts that in early 2010 the girl, just weeks short of her 17th birthday, committed suicide.

On Monday, the judge finally sentenced the teacher: 15 years in prison. And then he suspended all but 30 days of the sentence. The defense attorney said, "She seemed older than her chronological age. Basically what we had was a troubled young girl." The judge said, "It's not probably the kind of rape most people think about. It was not a violent, forcible, beat-the-victim rape, like you see in the movies...It was a troubled young girl, and he was a teacher...She was as in much control [as the teacher]."

It's so easy to blame the girl. "She led the teacher on." "She liked the attention." "He was just trying to be friendly." "If she didn't want him to have sex with her, why did she tell him she did?" Oh, it's so easy. But you know what? Just because it's easy does NOT mean it's correct. In fact, it is a load of crap.

Pre-sexual grooming by a teacher might be the most despicable action that exists. If you're not used to the term "grooming," here's how it starts: the student hangs out after school one day and the teacher engages in friendly chat. Nothing inappropriate. Yet. The teacher starts allowing the student to feel like she's in charge of the budding "relationship." She starts pushing the boundaries. The teacher fakes feeling reluctant, but goes along with it, making the student feel like she's powerful. And there it goes: relationship underway. Completely consensual, completely illegal, completely asinine.

This girl went through the two worst years of her life before she killed herself. Depression, no friends, no social life, no motivation to go to school except to see "him," the "him" of course, being her teacher. Her married teacher. Those two years of her life were so bad and so horrible that she ended it because she could see no other way out.

This teacher killed a girl. And he's getting 30 days in jail. 30 days to sit by himself and think about the fact that in 4 weeks, his life will be back to normal. Sure, he doesn't have a job anymore or a wife waiting for him anymore, but he has a life. His student doesn't. Because he made her life a living hell and she wanted out so badly that she left. He killed her. And he gets 30 days.

I know this girl's mindset. I know how isolated she felt. I know how empowered she thought she was. I know how it felt like nothing would be better ever again. I know how every relationship after him reminded her of him. I know why she never trusted another man again. And I can understand why she ended it.

You might be wondering how I know. I do know what I'm talking about. Because I was the girl.

I was one in a list of a few girls that a teacher pre-groomed to become his mistress. Thankfully for me, I got myself out of it before I slept with him, but after he'd already taken two years away from me. The other girls went all the way with him. The administration covered it up. The teacher is still teaching. Still grooming his girls. And the courts won't do anything because I can't prove it happened. I've seen the "program" he went through after I graduated: a few paragraphs on an article about sexual misconduct with the prompt "how do you feel about this article?" That's what Kentucky does to teachers who sleep with students. That's it.

At least in Montana administrators get around to firing teachers who sleep with their students.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Teachers: Is Your Personal Life Really Yours?

Sarah Jones, teacher and cheerleader.

Yesterday's abysmal court ruling that gave the BenGal dancer/teacher Sarah Jones only 5 years probation after she had sex with a student made me think about what teachers are allowed to do outside of school. I thought about it and came to a couple conclusions:
1. I would have felt incredibly uncomfortable if I had a teacher in high school who was a cheerleader/dancer on the nights and weekends. I would have felt like she was a role model for me; someone put there by the school board to show me a good example of an adult. There definitely would have been a huge influence on my dressing and actions if I had known she was a dancer, because I would see showing 90% of my body and shaking my boobs and butt to thousands of people both at home and on national television as an acceptable thing to do. "If my teacher can do it, why can't I?" would have been a pretty logical leap for a teenage mind.
2. If I had a child who had a cheerleader/dancer as a teacher, I would be very upset. If I ever have a child, male or female, who has a teacher who moonlights as a slutty dancer in clothing the size of a postage stamp, I would question the school board's decision of hiring her.

In Kentucky, according to KRS 161.164, teachers are not allowed to be part of political campaigns because they don't want the teachers using their authoritative positions to influence students. I spent two hours this morning looking for where the KRS laws mention stripping or dancing while being a teacher and they don't exist, as far as I've found. So, the state doesn't want teachers influencing their students (most of whom cannot vote) politically, but it's fine to influence the students' (most of whom in middle and high school are starting to experiment with sex) sexual behavior . I really disagree with this.

I looked at three Kentucky county teacher contracts this morning: Jefferson, Boone, and Kenton. In all of them, there was some version of this sentence: "The private life of a teacher is not the concern of the School Board unless it affect's the teachers responsibility as set forth in KRS 161.120." In Section 1, Part c of this statute, it says, "Committing any act that constitutes...immoral conduct." Who decides "immoral"? I think dancing/cheering in extraordinarily revealing clothing on weekends is immoral. But obviously, the Board doesn't agree with that, because Sarah Jones was a teacher while she was a cheerleader.

Teachers have long been regarded as pillars of the community. I am a third generation teacher in my family and in my immediate family alone, there are 5 teachers. I see education and teaching as the noblest of professions because there would be no leaders, no engineers, no doctors, no lawyers, nothing, without teachers. It is my opinion that we need to restore the integrity to the teaching profession. Just like a politician's life is not their own (see Bill Clinton or anyone else who has done something in their personal life and gotten destroyed for it), neither is a teacher's life. When you enter the teaching profession, you become a role model for thousands of students. You are teaching the next generation about values, about academia, about social relations, and everything else. Overall, teachers see students more than parents do during the school year. I absolutely do not feel comfortable entrusting my children to people who sell their bodies on weekends (yes, nothing physical is happening, but you're baring your body to the world for entertainment). I don't care if it's "dancing" and some people consider it "athletic" and "not sexual" as I know some of you will respond. It is highly inappropriate for our students to be exposed to that mentality in a public school.

For the record, for those of you who know me and remember that I was a ballroom dancer for a few years and wore incredibly revealing costumes, I would not continue that sport as a teacher. I think that, too, is excessively revealing and too sexual to participate in publicly in competitions on my weekends as a teacher. I know that this is an amazingly conservative view, but the reason I have this opinion is that our children are exposed to so much sexual media all the time outside of school that I feel like school should be one place that is safe from that. Girls especially are so influenced by sex, "being sexy," and working to "look good." School should be a place for academia and not sex or having sex-related distractions, such as an entire class knowing their teacher bares (almost) all every weekend in front of a 50,000 person stadium.

Kids are impressionable. Let's work on giving them good impressions.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Societal Value: Is Having Sex with a Teacher Okay If She's Hot?

Sarah Jones as a BenGal

Sarah Jones, of Northern Kentucky, is a former Ben-Gal cheerleader-turned-teacher facing two criminal charges: having sex with a 17-year-old student and wrongful use of electronic means to coerce a minor into engaging in sexual activity. Each one of these charges could come with up to five years in prison. This is the Huffington Post's story on the case in early August. Jones has maintained since her resignation in November that she is not guilty, and was actually blaming some of the high school girls for what happened. Two weeks ago, however, the court deemed it appropriate to include text messages and emails in the evidence used in the case. The extremely public trial was set to begin later this week, but this morning we woke up to the news that Sarah Jones is going to accept a plea bargain later today. On GMA this morning, one of their legal analysts said that the bargain will almost certainly reduce her punishment to maybe a month in jail, or even just parole!

It is absolutely incredible to me that a teacher who had sex with her student might only get a month in jail. Granted, her teaching career is over, so that's a rather large punishment, but only a month in jail?! That is nothing, compared to what that student is going to go through. We don't know his story because he is a minor, but it's not too hard to figure out: He has a crush on her, ends up flirting with her a little bit, she sees it as a thrill to be able to manipulate the student, while he thinks he's in charge of the situation; and then it goes too far.

This student has no idea what his life is going to be like now: How is he going to trust anyone again? She was married, but still had sex with him. Why should he ever trust that a woman who tells him that she loves him isn't cheating on him behind his back? Or why should he trust that the school he sends his kids to someday will keep them safe? It's the school's responsibility to keep the students safe, and his school's administration did not keep him safe. At least he can trust the fact that she will not be teaching ever again and will never do this to another student.

One that I find extraordinary is the reaction of the public to this case. Comments on some of the stories I was looking at this morning included, "I want to give that guy a high-five for that. She's hot. Who really wants to make a big deal over some teen getting some from an NFL cheerleader. Someone is jealous" and "All she will get will be a slap on the wrist...I'd gladly slap her, but not on the wrist." WHAT?! Is it just me, or is our society incredibly skewed when it comes to this kind of stuff? If it were a man having sex with a female student, he would be absolutely abhorred by the general public. Because this teacher is apparently "hot," though, this student is actually having people giving him props for having sex with her, and no one seems to care a whole lot that she was an authority figure who took advantage of her position. This is a problem that really needs to be addressed! Teachers are people who parents entrust their children's well-being to, and if parents can't be sure that teachers are not taking advantage of their children, the public education system is definitely going to lose credibility. The fact that I wrote an article similar to this one a month ago means that there is an absolutely huge problem in our schools. How can this be happening so much? And how many teachers are committing heinous acts like this and haven't been caught yet? And when they do get caught, are they getting prosecuted?

Students, please report anything you're seeing or hearing in regards to this topic. Teachers who commit crimes need to be taken down. They are supposedly pillars of our society, and if they are running around being inappropriate with students, they need to be taken out of that position. Let's stop this, please. All of us need to work together to make this something that is not okay. If you, personally, do not want to get involved, then use the anonymous tip lines. They are anonymous. Get these teachers out of our schools. Keep our kids safe.

UPDATE: Sarah Jones was charged with a misdemeanor around 9:45am EDT. A misdemeanor. That's it. Wow.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Sexual Abuse: Teacher-Student Relationships

Good morning!

This post is going to be a little bit serious; it's on a topic that is very close to my heart. 

Yesterday in the news there was a story about Erica DePalo, a 2011 "Teacher of the Year," who was arrested for having a sexual relationship with one of her students. While this alone is enough to make my blood boil, the thing that caught my attention and really infuriated me was that former students who are now in college were interviewed and said that there were always jokes going around about her relationships with students. That means that people knew about this at least six years ago, which means that this 15-year-old student is not the first to have this happen with this teacher. Generally, students aren't going to pick up on something like that and joke about it unless there is something actually there. I have no idea if the administration at her school knew about what was going on or had heard the rumors, but it is their job to know what is going on in that school and take every rumor or joke very seriously, especially when it involves a teacher-student relationship.

Now, I want to be very clear that I am not blaming the students or administration for what happened. While it is important that everything is reported and investigated, every teacher has a responsibility to his or her students. When a teacher signs a contract, they also sign a code of ethics. In this overview of a standard code of ethics for teachers, Principle I is about protecting students. It is never in a student's best interest for a teacher to flirt with him or her, or start a sexual relationship. What this teacher did is an abomination. It has changed the course of those students' lives. Even though they have graduated, are (possibly) in college, and maybe even engaged or married already, they will never forget what happened to them in high school, and it may take them years of therapy before they can really, truly trust again.

So, students, if you know there is something inappropriate going on between a teacher and a student in your school, please tell someone. It needs to stop now. 

Administrators, if you know there is something inappropriate going on between a teacher and a student in your school, please take the right action, not just the convenient action. It needs to stop now.

At the bottom of this story, which is the same one I linked at the beginning of this post, there is a set of photos of "Teachers Behaving Badly." There are 35. In a few days, I'm sure Ms. DePalo's photo will be among these. But what about the teachers who haven't been caught and fired yet, like Ms. DePalo wasn't for last six years? They are out there, and it is our job to do our part and bring them to justice.

Keep our children safe. Keep each other safe.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi