Wedding Priorities...$25,000?!

The last couple of days I've been working on wedding plans! I absolutely love fantasizing about our special day and I've got the important things (colors, bridesmaids, dress, etc!) picked out. But moving forward, I'm running into some major problems: $1400, $1000, $350, and $2500.

These are the costs of the typical reception venue, the bar that is required even if you don't want alcohol at your wedding, one floral arrangement, and the catering for the reception. Seriously. The average cost of a wedding is $25,000, not including the honeymoon. That is insane.

Now the reason I'm so upset by this is not because we can't afford it; both sets of parents have been more than generous in being willing to help us out financially. I have such a visceral reaction to these obscene prices because I grew up in two places where $25,000 could change an entire village or town's way of life.

In Roundup, Montana, a town of 2,000 ranchers, farmers, and small business owners, $25,000 could renovate the park, start an after school program for kids, start a community beautification program, or give every family about $25 to spend on whatever they wanted.

In Vanuatu, $25,000 could feed a village of 100 people for a year. It could buy 1,250 pairs of $20 shoes for kids who've never seen a sneaker, let alone wear a pair. It could build 250 new houses for a village that has to move their location because of the rising sea level. It could build a school so more students can have the opportunity to get an academic education.

Who am I to spend $25,000 on anything, when I know it could change an entire community's future? I am so aware that this is the one wedding I get; the one day where I get to decide everything (!) and not worry about anything. It's a day that is so important and a day on which you begin something so special; but $25,000? Note: Just to be very clear, we do not have a budget of $25,000; a fifth of that at the most.

How did our society get to the point where it's acceptable--no, expected--to spend this kind of money on one day? What happened to love? Isn't that what the day is about: two people loving each other so much that they want to commit themselves to each other in front of every person in their lives that matters to them? So why should we pay ourselves into debt to have the day we want when the day is perfect if the two people involved go home together that night?

So. I'm designing and making my own dress. My bridesmaids, family, and I are making the decorations. I'm designing and making the invitations. We're getting married where my dad works. I'm going to buy single stem flowers and make my own arrangements and bouquets. We're not having alcohol. There is so much we can do that will cut the cost and still give us a beautiful day.

We need to bring weddings back from this crazy show of wealth to what they're about: love. I love my fiancé and I can't wait to share that moment I become his wife with my friends and family--with the budget and meaning I want.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Letter to My 12-Year-Old Self

Good morning! I've been thinking about writing a letter to my younger self for a while, and one of my new favorite bloggers, AccordingToLara, inspired me to finally do it.

Dear 12-year-old Kinsey,

Hi! It's you in 12 years. Happy birthday! Enjoy your Harry Potter themed party--it's less cool to have a Harry Potter party when you're 24!

In six days, there is going to be a lot of confusion in the 2000 election. It's going to take until December to figure out who the president will be. Stop running around burning bridges with people, because Gore loses, and you're only 12. While it's important to be politically active, don't be a jerk about it.

You are about to find out that your dad has to have heart surgery. He and your mom are going to go to Texas for the surgery and leave your with your grandparents. He ends up being just fine!

In a year, you're going to move to Vanuatu. It's going to be scary and lonely, but you get to live right by the beach. Enjoy it while you're there. Don't stress out about what's happening back home, live in the moment. Breathe in every breath filled with the salty air and relaxed atmosphere; your life is going to change more than you can imagine when you move home.

You'll move back to the States when you're 16. You're going to feel incredibly out of place and do really terrible, self-destructive things to try to make it better. You won't listen to this, because you won't even understand it right now and when you do understand it you'll think you know better, but keep eating.

Also, be prepared for a relationship that will change your life. You will not be able to trust any man again for years because of this trusted adult who will take advantage of you. Keep going to your therapy sessions even though they open wounds you don't even want to remember. They will help, I promise.

When you're in college, you're going to vote in your first presidential election. Don't worry; your guy wins this time! Your parents will move to Ethiopia. Sounds like a long way away, huh? But don't worry; they come back after only seven months. They come back because your dad has to have heart surgery again, but just like last time, he's fine. :)

You're going to end up getting fibromyalgia. Doctors don't officially know what causes it, but I think the previous paragraphs explain the reason you get it. Keep fighting. It is so hard but you'll get better, because you don't have to fight alone. The most wonderful man asks you to marry him when you're 23 in your favorite place in the world: the Lamar Valley in Yellowstone.

Recognize this? It's where you go with your class three years in a row for Expedition: Yellowstone! You end up falling in love with this valley.

The ring is perfect.

You're going to work on the Obama campaign in 2012. I actually can't tell you how it turns out; the election is tomorrow! But I can tell you that this is the first time you've listened to my advice about not being a jerk to the other candidate. :)

You and your sister get to see Barack Obama in person! Oh--and you get glasses. You feel like you're going through a midlife crisis at first, but you do get used to them.

You're going to be just fine. Live in the moment and savor every day. Remember that your greatest asset is your heart, not your brain. You can empathize to the nth degree if you let yourself. Get that brain out of the way--you overuse it way too much! :)

Engagement photos! You're going to meet him more than three years before you start dating. Don't tell him, though!

You also fall in love with shoes.

You get two amazing kittens who love napping on you!

Love,

24-year-old You

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Keeping Perspective: Hurricane Sandy

This morning the biggest story on everyone's televisions is about Superstorm Sandy. This superstorm is slated to make landfall tonight in New Jersey; specifically, very close to Atlantic City. This is The Weather Channel's top 5 things to know about Sandy. Keep an eye out and stay safe.

Cyclone Zoe. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
File:Cyclone_Zoe_27_dec_2002_2255Z.jpg

It's very interesting to hear people talking about this hurricane. I've been through a couple hurricanes, since I lived in Vanuatu for five years. In 2002, my family and I survived the most intense hurricane ever recorded in the Southern Hemisphere: Cyclone Zoe, a Category 5 storm. The winds got up to 150 mph--and then the anemometer was blown off the national weather center after a gust of 220 mph!

We lived about a quarter of a mile away from the ocean. We only had two inches of water on the floor, so we were fine, but the people who lived in coastal villages were devastated. Zoe doesn't make any of the "worst storm" lists because in terms of dollar amounts, Zoe didn't do a lot of damage. The reason for this is that Vanuatu and the Solomon Islands are third-world countries; there aren't a lot of expensive buildings, electricity, or transportation systems there. Also, no one died during Zoe. The local people know exactly how to get through a storm like this. They've been doing it for 4,000 years, so they had to learn to survive.

A day after Zoe skirted Vanuatu, we walked down to Takara, a village on the beach about a mile away. We had friends who lived there. They showed us how there were fish up in their gardens that had been carried in from the storm surges. They took us to their well, the only source of fresh water, and showed us how the sea water had washed into it, so it was contaminated and undrinkable. Their gardens were destroyed. The avocado crop was almost ready to harvest, and there were green, almost ripe avocados just lying on the ground. There were coconuts and mangos everywhere. Also, their houses were gone. The thatched huts didn't stand a chance against this kind of storm.

The Ni-Vanuatu in the villages have this saying: "After the storm comes the sickness." There is always food right after a storm, because all the fruit has fallen from the trees. But their fresh water is contaminated and after all the fresh fruit is gone or starts rotting, there is nothing else to eat. Then people start getting sick.

Sandy is a serious storm; it's already cost around five dozen people their lives. We need to remember, though, that so much of what we are going to lose in this storm is just stuff. We will have food. We will have water. Some people might lose their houses, but entire communities will not be in danger of dying off. I'm listening to people on TV talking about how to keep your food frozen, how to keep your car from getting flooded, how to make sure you go to the store and buy all the food you can, etc. None of this is a problem in third-world countries because they don't have electricity, cars, or money to begin with.

Keep everything in perspective. Tell your family you love them. Ride out this storm by playing cards, reading books aloud to each other, singing songs together, and laughing. I've done it a few times and doing those things helps you realize what really matters.

Please donate to help the possibly 50 million people who could be affected by Sandy. The Red Cross is taking donations. This is going to be incredibly hard for the eastern part of the U.S. to get through. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi