Thanks, Mom!

Mother's Day is a great way to remember the person who may have had the most influence in our lives. My mom is phenomenal. She stayed at home with my sister and me when we were little and did everything with us, from taking us to the library in our red wagon to letting us help her cook! She read to us, danced with us, and sang with us.

Mom home-schooled us for a couple of years in elementary school and was an amazing teacher! She encouraged us to explore anything we were interested in and made everything an hands-on experience. In science, she had us go outside and find rocks from different classifications, we put snowflakes on slides and looked at them through microscopes, and pressed different leaves and flowers for collections. I read anything I could get my hands on, did as much math as I wanted, and became a voracious speller, all thanks to my mom.

I haven't always been the easiest child in our family to deal with, but my parents have always been there for me. I think in our current fad of not-parenting, looking back, I can really appreciate the way my parents did show me tough love when I needed it. Nothing crazy, but I have a good sense of what's right and wrong and a lot of that comes from my parents.

My mom is the reason I want to be a stay-at-home mom when I have kids. I can see what a great mom she was (is!) and that inspires me to want to be a great mom, too! She made her kids a priority instead of having a "successful" career and ended up with two pretty great kids (I'm biased!). I think that is the most noble thing anyone can do and I can't wait to give what she gave me to my kids.

Thanks, Mom!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

7 Relationship Tips

You know, there are a lot of things this morning that I have "opinions" about this morning: the premiere of "Dancing with the Stars" (Season 16??? Are we bored yet?), Sarah Palin's speech at CPAC (Why is her juvenile mockery so appealing to people? Putting someone down doesn't make you a leader.), March Madness (My alma mater, Louisville, is the #1 overall seed in the NCAA tournament! Kentucky was snubbed and didn't even make the NCAA tournament!), the Jodi Arias trial (Fascinating!), and the Carnival Cruise line (Why are people still going on these boats??). While those are all fun things to talk about, instead of being snarky and provocative, I would like to take today to talk about love.

For the last two weeks my fiancé, Josh, has been working 12 to 16 hours a day at school. He was the music director for the musical "Oklahoma!" It was fantastic! His kids did a wonderful job and I couldn't be more proud of them or him!

The musical ran from Thursday through Saturday. Our weekly date night is Friday night. Obviously this last week, Friday was completely out: Josh was at school until 10:15pm, I was at home cleaning and watching the Big East tournament semifinals, and we were both exhausted by the time we saw each other. We decided to go to Saturday morning brunch as our date. It was so much fun! We went to IHOP (I know there are political problems with this company--I love their pancakes and I am not going to take a political stand on everything.) and spent literally three hours just talking. It was so great! We talked about his school stuff, neuroscience, ADHD, seeing potential in yourself, and us. Getting to have that weekly time with each other makes it so much easier to be best friends, not just lovers. We are so incredibly lucky to be more in love than almost any other couple we've met!

We got home and cleaned our apartment because our families were coming to the musical on Saturday night. Josh cleaned the kitchen while I did the bathroom and then we blitzed the living room together. The chemistry we have when it comes to getting things done is so good. We know what needs to be done, we know what the other can handle, and we work together to make it happen.

I know that no relationship is perfect, and ours isn't without its flaws; but it is so good! While a lot of what we have does come naturally, we do work at our relationship. Here are the seven most important things I can tell you about being in a successful relationship:

1. Love the quirks. If your significant other's quirks bother you more than make you laugh, that could be a problem. One of Josh's biggest quirks is destroying a made bed just by looking at it. Last night I went to sleep laughing because I had put the bed back together before I brushed my teeth, and it was completely untucked by the time I came back! We were laughing so hard and it sounds silly to anyone else, but if I didn't love him and everything about him, I could have gotten really upset. Obviously, you will get irritated with some of the quirks, but make sure the endearing qualities outweigh the irritating qualities, or you could have some problems on your hands.

2. Have a weekly date. I saw something a couple of weeks ago about how a couple never had a date because they make their kids their priority. Now, obviously, we don't have kids yet so that's not super-relevant, but even when we do have kids, we will still have a weekly time for just us. We have had a weekly date every week since we started dating. They're usually on Friday night but, like last week, sometimes we move our dates around a little bit. Sometimes we are so exhausted by Friday that we just stay in and watch a movie and get Chinese food. Set that time aside for yourselves, though. It makes such a difference. I mean, we spend a lot of time together, but "Date Night" is different than just a night at home. Make it special, make it about you, and make it something you both want to do.

3. Talk with each other. Josh kind of goes nuts sometimes because I talk so much. He also is a bit of a talker. ;-) But we talk about pretty much everything. We know each other's goals, pet peeves, pasts, dislikes, passions, and hopes. I cannot stress enough, just like everyone who has ever said anything about relationships: communication is the key. We barely ever fight. Really! I know that for those of you who  know us, you might be surprised by that because we both have...rather strong personalities, shall I say! But we are always fine tuning our relationship, instead of waiting until something breaks and then fixing it. Some people say, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." I say, "If you are in consistent communication, it won't break." Ha--that's a horrible saying, but you get the message.

4. Be honest. If you are in a truly great relationship, the other person will not write you off if you screw up. You will work through it and move on. So, just be honest with your partner. This is my biggest one. I have trust issues (I know how cliche that sounds, but it's true.) because of things that happened to me a long time ago, not because of anything Josh did. However, if he were ever untruthful to me and then I found out about it, it would probably mess with my head for months. I am a little bit too honest with Josh; he has told me multiple times that he doesn't need to hear every detail of my day. But because of where my head is, I don't ever want to lie to him, even by accident. Josh doesn't tell me every detail of his days, and I'm fine with that. But I know he's honest with me and doesn't hide things or lie to me or anything. If you can't say that about your relationship, that might be the place to start working.

5. Cut your partner some slack. Now, I just want to be clear: I am not as good as this one as Josh is. He is the most patient person I've ever met in my entire life. But I'm learning, and the more flexible I am, the better our relationship gets. Josh cuts me slack all the time because of my fibromyalgia--I don't get as much as I want to done and he is so patient with me. On Saturday when we got home from IHOP, Josh needed 20 minutes for a cat nap before he started cleaning. I let him do his thing and I started cleaning the bathroom while he just relaxed for a while. And then he cleaned the entire kitchen. The "old me" would have been harping and harping and harping at him to clean right when we walked in the door and it would have been a very unhappy experience. Instead, I let him be an adult and make his own decisions, because I knew that he understood what needed to be done. And he was happy about that. And I was, too. :-) It really makes a difference, trust me.

6. Work on yourself. This one can seem counter-intuitive, because talking about a "relationship" makes you think about what you can do for or with the other person. But you cannot have a great relationship with anyone else unless you consistently and constantly work on your relationship with yourself. This is something that I have a very hard time with because I would rather spend all day doing things to make Josh happy than figure out why I'm feeling insecure about something. But if I just ignore that little pinprick going on in the back of my mind, it will manifest itself in crazy ways. You must be honest with both of you: your partner and yourself.

7. Show appreciation for each other. To really show appreciation for your partner, ask them how they feel appreciated. That might sound really silly, but it's not. I feel appreciated when Josh verbally says, "Thank you for..." or "I love the way you..." Josh feels appreciated when I do something like doing the dishes or having the house decently in order. This was a disconnect for us for a long time because I would say things to him like, "Thank you for working so hard" or "I love how dedicated you are to your job" because that's how I feel appreciated. He would do things like go to the store and pick up a few things or fill my car with gas. I appreciated those things, but didn't feel like I was being appreciated, if that makes sense. We actually talked about it a few months ago and realized that we were "appreciating" the other person the way we want to be appreciated. So now, I'm making an effort to do the dishes or something and he is making the effort to verbally acknowledge what I do. We both feel a lot more appreciated. :-)

I hope these tips help some people and I hope that those of you in great relationships just nodded for the last five minutes while you were reading them. :-) There are thousands more tips, of course, but these are just the ones I had at the front of my mind today.

"Be the change you wish to be in the world." --Gandhi

Medicine, Incoherence, and Love

Well, I feel like I need to have another personal post.

I have been late getting my posts up in the last couple of days and they haven't been very good, in my opinion. I just had to double the dose I'm taking of my pain meds. I am really feeling it. I am incredibly dizzy, very tired, nauseated, and forgetful. Honestly, I could deal with all of the side effects if I wasn't forgetful. One of my biggest assets is my memory. I was supposed to do laundry on Thursday. It's now Tuesday and I still haven't done it; not because I don't want to or something, but because I just forget.

I used to write my posts between 6:30am and 8:30am. It's now almost 10:30am and I'm just starting to become coherent. I'm trying to keep up with writing these posts in the morning, but I'm not sure how it's going. My page views have tanked and I'm incredibly unimpressed with my writing when I read it in the evenings when I'm actually awake. I don't have the energy or attention to look for sponsors for my site or promote it online.

It's affecting my amazing fiancé, too. I am our housekeeper, since he works a full time job, but lately I haven't done anything around the house. This morning I woke up after my fiancé was already up. I stumbled out and he looked upset and sad. I asked what was wrong and he said that he's worried about how this medicine is affecting me. I got upset because I really want to be the best fiancée ever for him, but the medicine is making it virtually impossible for me to be amazing. I am incredibly lucky because he loves me more than anything in the world, and he's worried because he loves me, not because he is upset about the effect the medicine is having on his life.

Please stick with my site; I'm probably going to start writing in the evenings and scheduling it to post in the mornings so my posts are a little bit more coherent. Also, check out the craft and food sections. I just updated those and there are some really nice things on there!

In terms of the morals of this post, be kind to people in your life; you never know what's going on in their lives. Yesterday when I went to the grocery store, I was getting some weird looks. I think I probably just looked really out of it. Be kind to each other.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Letter to My 12-Year-Old Self

Good morning! I've been thinking about writing a letter to my younger self for a while, and one of my new favorite bloggers, AccordingToLara, inspired me to finally do it.

Dear 12-year-old Kinsey,

Hi! It's you in 12 years. Happy birthday! Enjoy your Harry Potter themed party--it's less cool to have a Harry Potter party when you're 24!

In six days, there is going to be a lot of confusion in the 2000 election. It's going to take until December to figure out who the president will be. Stop running around burning bridges with people, because Gore loses, and you're only 12. While it's important to be politically active, don't be a jerk about it.

You are about to find out that your dad has to have heart surgery. He and your mom are going to go to Texas for the surgery and leave your with your grandparents. He ends up being just fine!

In a year, you're going to move to Vanuatu. It's going to be scary and lonely, but you get to live right by the beach. Enjoy it while you're there. Don't stress out about what's happening back home, live in the moment. Breathe in every breath filled with the salty air and relaxed atmosphere; your life is going to change more than you can imagine when you move home.

You'll move back to the States when you're 16. You're going to feel incredibly out of place and do really terrible, self-destructive things to try to make it better. You won't listen to this, because you won't even understand it right now and when you do understand it you'll think you know better, but keep eating.

Also, be prepared for a relationship that will change your life. You will not be able to trust any man again for years because of this trusted adult who will take advantage of you. Keep going to your therapy sessions even though they open wounds you don't even want to remember. They will help, I promise.

When you're in college, you're going to vote in your first presidential election. Don't worry; your guy wins this time! Your parents will move to Ethiopia. Sounds like a long way away, huh? But don't worry; they come back after only seven months. They come back because your dad has to have heart surgery again, but just like last time, he's fine. :)

You're going to end up getting fibromyalgia. Doctors don't officially know what causes it, but I think the previous paragraphs explain the reason you get it. Keep fighting. It is so hard but you'll get better, because you don't have to fight alone. The most wonderful man asks you to marry him when you're 23 in your favorite place in the world: the Lamar Valley in Yellowstone.

Recognize this? It's where you go with your class three years in a row for Expedition: Yellowstone! You end up falling in love with this valley.

The ring is perfect.

You're going to work on the Obama campaign in 2012. I actually can't tell you how it turns out; the election is tomorrow! But I can tell you that this is the first time you've listened to my advice about not being a jerk to the other candidate. :)

You and your sister get to see Barack Obama in person! Oh--and you get glasses. You feel like you're going through a midlife crisis at first, but you do get used to them.

You're going to be just fine. Live in the moment and savor every day. Remember that your greatest asset is your heart, not your brain. You can empathize to the nth degree if you let yourself. Get that brain out of the way--you overuse it way too much! :)

Engagement photos! You're going to meet him more than three years before you start dating. Don't tell him, though!

You also fall in love with shoes.

You get two amazing kittens who love napping on you!

Love,

24-year-old You

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

5 Ways to Feel Good in 5 Seconds

In accordance with what has turned into "Feel-Good Friday" I thought it would be nice to have a short and sweet post about ways you can make yourself feel good in only 5 seconds! 5 seconds doesn't sound like a lot of time, but if you think about it, 5 seconds is a decent amount of time to get all of these things done if you commit to it wholly for the full time. I mean, we're all busy; even those "Get Abs in 20 Minutes a Day" things seem like they take too much time. So take 5 seconds! These are not methods that I have researched or have necessarily been scientifically proven; they're just things I do when I want to turn my day around and feel happy!

Don't know who did the original,
but I absolutely love this!

1. Smile at yourself. This one can have a huge effect on you. If you live alone or you don't see the person you live with in the morning, starting off with a smile from yourself is actually a great way to greet the day! Think about a silly joke, make a funny face, or remember a time when you laughed really hard. Make sure those eyes crinkle at the corners! Smiling with just your mouth doesn't do it.
Caveat: While looking in the mirror, do not focus on what you don't like about what you see. That will just make you stay sad or grumpy.

http://www.letsmove.gov

2. Get moving! Now, if you take 5 seconds to get off the couch, you can't count that as the 5 seconds of moving! Once standing, run to the other end of the room you're in and back. Or do 9 jumping jacks in 5 seconds. Or drop to the ground, do a push-up (a real one; no knee push-ups!), and then jump up as high as you can (don't do this one if you have low-blood pressure, because you might pass out). Do something that wakes you up quickly--then go do your regular gym routine that takes longer than 5 seconds. :)

So cute!

3. Tell yourself you're great. We don't have cheerleaders to get our confidence up, 5 seconds are definitely enough time to give yourself a decent pep talk. Tell yourself why you like yourself and mean it! Feel that confidence boost and take it with you for the rest of the day!

funnyjunk.com

4. Take your vitamins! Half the time research says vitamins are good for you, half the time they're supposedly bad for you. All I'm saying is that when I take mine, I feel better than when I don't take them. And it takes literally 5 seconds. Well, unless you get the giant horse pill kind...those take longer to swallow. ;)

My kittens!

5. Feel love. There are three options for this one. Choose whichever one is right for you.

• For the people in love with someone else: Feel it and embrace it!!! You know exactly what I mean about love making you feel good.
• For the people who don't believe in love with other people and now think this post is ridiculous since I brought up love: Remember the feeling you got when you fell in love with something, whether it be your job, your hobby, your cat, your favorite TV show, anything! Feel that excitement and joy and contentment.
• For the people who feel like they should be in love because they used to be, but aren't anymore (this can pertain to a person or a thing or a situation): Why did you fall in love the first time? Let that feeling completely envelop you. Maybe you'll get that little spark back! :) Take it with you!

I hope all of you have a great weekend! Thank you for making this week such a great one for me! This blog and all of the feedback I get makes me feel great because I know you guys are reading it and it helps some people. :) I really appreciate it! Writing it takes a little longer than 5 seconds, but it still makes me feel good!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Gratitude: Taking Time to Be Thankful

Wow! Yesterday there were 111 views of this blog! That makes me so excited! Thank you so much for all the support. I'm blown away by the sheer volume of people who have read it!

Today it is a beautiful day, so I thought it would be nice to write a post that reflects the sunshine!

Gratitude is something that is very important to me. It goes from a simple "thank you" when someone helps you out to feeling a sense of overwhelming love and thankfulness for someone or something in your life. Lately I have felt incredibly lucky and grateful for all the amazing things going on in my life, so I just wanted to share; not to brag or gloat, but in hope that it can make you aware of a person or a situation in your own life for which you can consciously be grateful today.

• My fiancé is the most wonderful person I know. He always puts our relationship and me ahead of everything else in his life. He goes to work every day so we can have financial stability and I can worry less about not having a secure job. He loves his job and prides himself on the work he puts into it. He says that making me smile is his favorite thing to do. He is an absolutely brilliant man and I am so lucky to have him in my life forever.
• My family is amazing! Even though I've moved, my parents and sister are still on the phone whenever I call. I know I can always count on them (all of them, not just the ones in Louisville!) to be there for me, and I see myself as lucky that I can be there for them, too.
• We have two fantastic kittens! They make me laugh every day and I love watching them grow.
• I get to look outside every day and see trees and grass. This might seem like a small thing, but getting to exist with nature and do yoga outside is so wonderful. 
• I have the luxury of having the time and equipment to exercise every day. I never thought I would live somewhere that has its own pool, gym, and tennis, basketball, racquetball, and volleyball courts! So many people don't get to exercise because of their work schedules or having nowhere to go, and it is amazing that I get to do this every day.
• We live in a country where I can write this blog and not worry about being arrested for it. I can say anything about politics or religion or anything else and I am not censored by the government. This is a privilege we have that is so amazing. I know to us it seems normal and an inalienable right that everyone should have (agreed), but take a minute and think about what our lives would be like if we didn't have it. Now think about the people in the countries who don't have it. 
• I have a life in which my main worries do not include having enough food every day, whether I will have a roof over my head tomorrow night or not, soldiers coming in during the night and killing my family and me, or having fresh drinking water for both the children and the adults in my community. So thankful for all of that, and so mindful of the people who do not have it.

So now I have two challenges for you. 

1) Think about something in your life that you are grateful for and let the feeling it gives you swallow you up. Feel every part of yourself being grateful for that thing or situation or person. Let it fill you and then carry it with you through today. 

2) Use that feeling to treat the people you interact with today with kindness and understanding. Allow yourself to feel grateful for them and then communicate that with them. Tell them how they make your life better, give them a compliment, tell them a joke; however you share your gratitude with someone, do that. Then assess how you feel. You might be surprised.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi