Kids on TV: Good for Kids or Just Good TV?

I was flipping through Hulu Plus this morning and came across a new show: "MasterChef Junior." I'd seen some ads for it and I love "Top Chef" (not "MasterChef" or "Hell's Kitchen"--Ramsey, who is the judge on those as well as "MasterChef Junior" is way too mean for my taste), so I gave it a whirl. Much to my surprise, I actually liked it! It was entertaining, nice to see kids who can be creative and think critically, Ramsey was actually nice, and it was well produced. With a warm, fuzzy feeling inside, I turned off the TV and went about my morning.

And then I got to thinking (much to my chagrin!).

Regardless of whether these kiddos are actors or not (there is apparently some controversy over this right now), is being on shows like this one good for them? Yes, they're making money and making a name for themselves at that age, which our society values and respects, sure. But is it good for the kids? "MasterChef Junior" is by far the best kid-involved show I've seen--there's no yelling (yet), swearing (yet), or making kids feel like they're horrible people (yet). But what does it do to the kids psychologically? Is being on TV something we should encourage and push our kids to do?

When I was in college, my sister and I found the "Toddlers and Tiaras" YouTube channel. It was like watching a car crash--we couldn't look away! We spent an entire Saturday morning watching "Toddlers and Tiaras" episodes. In my opinion, some of what those kids go through could easily be classified as child abuse. But in our society, it's just thought of as "beauty is pain" and we want our little girls to learn to do whatever it takes to be "glamourous" and "beautiful." But those kids are being massively messed with! I don't know how long that show's been on now, but I would love to see a 10 year reunion of those girls and find out how being on "Toddlers and Tiaras" and being in homes like that has affected them. I'm willing to bet that they're not well-balanced young women with high self-esteem.

Another show that involves kids is "DanceMoms." I can't even make it through an episode of it because it's so horrible. The main mom is verbally abusive to the kids and the other moms. What is "DanceMoms" teaching our society? That it's okay for moms to treat their little girls like crap because they "want what's best" for their kids? And what does it teach our kids? That it's okay if mommy yells at you and makes you cry? That if you're not good enough it's better to not try instead of going on stage and doing your best even if you mess up?

We need to think as a collective society: parents, kids, acting studios, "talent" agents, etc: Would we like make a quick buck on a television show that gets good ratings regardless of the content? Or would we rather raise kids in healthy environments and maybe not make as much money because we're not exploiting them for high TV ratings?

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

5 Practical Ways to Spice Up Your Marriage

Author's Note: I've been married for less than 3 months, so this post is not for me or about me, nor should it be seen as a reflection of my marriage! :-)

This morning I saw an interview with the stars of the new ABC show "Betrayed." It's a show about two people who fall in love, even though they're both married to other people. Sam Champion joked that he wanted to run home and make sure his husband is happy! But it got me thinking: what can you do to spice your marriage up if you're in the Doldrums of Monogamy?

What I came up with might seem incredibly dull at first glance, but it all works. None of it is "listen to their needs" type stuff, because I don't know your relationship and what's good for mine might not be good for yours; so it's all stuff you can do. And it's not just for the ladies to do for their husbands, so feminists, when you get your panties in a twist over some of this stuff due to your own assumptions, just relax.

1. Spontaneously do your spouse's laundry. I'm completely serious. Whether you have laundry machines at your house or you go to a laundry facility, do your spouse's laundry for them. You don't have to make a big thing about it and promise to do it forever. It's just a nice gesture that saves them some time and you probably have enough time to take 20 minutes out of your day to make them smile.
Note: Do not tell your spouse, "I'd like to do your laundry for you" and then let them talk you out of it and then feel good about yourself for offering. No! Bad spouse! Just do it! 

2. Pick up your clutter. Then pick up your spouse's clutter. Clutter is something that happens to everyone. And it's like a disease: It starts with, "Well she left her stuff out so I can leave my stuff out" and then progresses to a MESS. If you're not good about picking up your clutter, just pick it up. Then pick up your spouse's clutter. I know it's not yours. I know it's not your dirty dish left on the end table or your half-empty cold cup of coffee left in the bathroom. Do it anyway. It will make them feel happy that you were mature enough to do the right thing even though you didn't have to.
Note: If you do this while they are home, and you do it half-heartedly while sighing loudly, that defeats the purpose. Just a little tip from me to you.

3. Cook a meal for your spouse and eat together. This is considered sweet in many cultures around the world. So do it! Go get groceries and cook a meal. If you guys have different palates, cook something your spouse will like, not your favorite meal that your spouse hates. Then eat together and don't turn the TV on. Talk! To each other. No phones.
Note: Bringing fast food home is not cooking.

4. Do the dishes even if it's not your turn. My husband and I have a routine: one of us cooks and the other one cleans up. It's the same routine my parents had when I was growing up and it's a good one. However, some nights if the person who is supposed to clean up is really busy or something, it would be so nice if you cleaned up after dinner! What else do you have going on? Seriously. What are you going to do while your spouse works? Watch TV? Text someone about what a poop that person is because you had to cook and clean? Tweet about it? Just do the damn dishes without complaint. Trust me, your spouse will notice and they will be happy.
Note: Keeping track of what dishes were supposed to be washed on the other person's night and instead were neglected is considered rude. Do not just let those dishes sit there until your spouse notices. This will cause more problems than it's worth, even though, yes, you have a very RIGHT point. So, actually, if you're more interested in being right than having a good relationship, ignore this.

5. Deal with the pet poop. It doesn't matter what kind of animal(s) you have; poop is gross. No one wants to be on poop patrol. So if you just want to do something nice for your spouse, instead of just ignoring the poop that's in your backyard from your dog or in the litter box from your cat or bunny or clouding up the aquarium from your fish and letting your spouse be the one to get tired of it first and clean it, just deal. Get it done. Then you have happy pets and a happy spouse!
Note: It's disgusting. But it's something that will make your spouse very happy.

How do these mundane things spice up a marriage, you ask?

Well, says I, surprising your spouse is always fun! Wouldn't you rather surprise them with something that makes a difference in your household than something that costs you money and a great deal of planning? I'm not advocating that you do one of these things for your spouse's next birthday, mind you. I'm just saying that you can turn an ordinary Thursday into a fun evening by changing it up! If you do something that saves your spouse time as well as makes them happy, and because of that you have an extra half hour in the evening, I'm sure that together you can come up with a good use of that time!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Mini-Experiment: 1 Month Without TV

In all honesty, this experiment happened by accident! My husband and I had signed up for a great cable package when we moved in July 2012. One year later, the price of that package went up by $40/month! We decided we didn't watch enough television to pay that much per month, so we cancelled our cable, with the understanding that we would get an HD antenna for the TV. That way we could still watch our local channels, which is pretty much all we'd watched when we had cable anyway.

Days turned into weeks after we cancelled our cable; still no HD antenna. I was having a lot of trouble with fibromyalgia flare-ups, my teacher-husband's school year was starting, and we were just generally busy. About two weeks after we cancelled cable, I realized two things:

1. I missed my local ABC station team (WCPO) and the Good Morning America and ABC World News Tonight teams like crazy! I had gotten so used to starting every morning with them, that they'd become like a second family; not to mention the fact that I'd grown up watching Diane Sawyer and seeing her giant poster downtown for the seven years I lived in Louisville, KY. I had been tweeting with them almost every day and had actually developed Twitter relationships with some of the local anchors and reporters, as well as a few people at the national level at ABC. It felt like I was missing something without them in my day.
2. My anxiety level was nowhere near as high as it had been when I was watching the news every day. It's not like I didn't know what was going on; I read the ABC app headlines and stories every day, but did not watch one news video. No war in Syria videos with dead bodies, no anxiety-filled potential Korean attack videos, no celebrity gossip videos, none of it. And I was calmer and happier without all of that horrible footage inundating my home.

So, time went on. And then football season started. I am the biggest football fan ever, so that's when I drove my husband to Best Buy and we chose an HD antenna! I was so excited to see everyone at WCPO and ABC again! It felt like I was seeing friends I hadn't seen in a month! And my anxiety went through the roof.

This mini-experiment was an accident, but I learned so much about myself both during it and in the few weeks since it's been over. I grew up without television, not getting one in my house until I was 16. Since that time, I have loved TV, almost feeling like I'm making up for lost time! But at what cost?

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Job Candidate: The Bipolar Narcoleptic with Fibromyalgia?

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." I end every article with this quote from Gandhi. It's a mantra of mine and I do my best to keep it at the forefront of my actions. But would you change your mantra and, by extension, your actions if you realized it was hurting your chances finding employment?

Over the last two years I've been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, narcolepsy, and bipolar II. I have used ChickOpinion for the last year as a platform to educate people about what these conditions are and how they affect the people who have them. It's my goal to help people who have these conditions cope better with them, and to help people without these conditions learn more about them. Only through education will people truly have compassion. 

I have never been shy about talking about these conditions. It has been my experience that the best way to educate people is to be honest and open about what I go through on a daily basis, so that, hopefully, they can learn from me. More than anything, I want to help people. This has been an uphill battle for me for almost two years now. If I can make that battle easier for someone else, I'll do whatever it takes.

These conditions come with massive stereotypes:

• Fibromyalgia - in pain, lazy, unaccountable
• Narcolepsy - lazy, unsafe, unreliable
• Bipolar II - crazy, unstable, depressed

You don't realize that you're being put into these stereotypes until you take a step back and look at the big picture. For me, my biggest moment of realization came last week when I was mulling over my job situation. Before my diagnoses, I was offered every job I applied for. In the last year, I've applied to over 80 positions, gotten 1 interview, and am still unemployed. I can't prove anything when it comes to discrimination or prejudice in hiring committees, but if you Google my name, you see "fibromyalgia" and "bipolar" first. 

I have done my best to embody my mantra and be the change that I wish to see in this world. I want to give hope to people who don't have a clue how to start living after their diagnoses. I want to make having a neurological condition socially acceptable. I want to be seen as who I am, not as the sum of my conditions. Instead, employers just see a liability.

I am going to continue to talk about all of these conditions, because not enough people speak up. 

I am never going to hide my conditions out of fear, because that only perpetuates the silent spiral of ignorance. 

I am going to be stronger than someone who has never faced conditions like these, because I will not give up.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Miss America: American Dream Realized

Photo courtesy of AP.

Nina Davuluri was crowned "Miss America" last night, the first Indian-American to hold the storied title. Immediately following the crowning, Twitter exploded with racial slurs, including calling Davuluri "Princess Jasmine," "Muslim," and "al-Qaeda." The caption "This is what a REAL Miss America looks like" was put next to Miss Kansas's photo, a bombshell blonde in her Army fatigues. One twit tweeted, "Only in America can #MissAmerica not 'look American.' #GodBlessAmerica."

Before I get to the obvious smack-down of stupid, here are a few tidbits you should know about the new Miss America:
1. She was born in Syracuse, New York. She is American-born, just like everyone else in that competition.
2. She is not Muslim.
3. India doesn't have any al-Qaeda ties. Neither does Miss America.

Now. One of the tweeting haters has the last name "Clearkin." What is the origin of that name? Irish? Another one of the tweets came from someone with the last name of "Priest." English. Another was "Dague." French. Unless you are of Native American descent, your ancestors came to the United States and you hail their success as "the American Dream." You tout your family's business ventures and climbing of the societal ladder as coming out of our "melting pot" of a country. You see yourself as a third-, fourth-, or fifth- generation "American." Do you think your grandparents or great-grandparents should have been treated as American, even if they were immigrants or children of immigrants? Of course you do!

Photo courtesy of Reuters.

Miss America Nina Davuluri is the daughter of immigrants. Her family is the epitome of the traditional American Dream! Unless you don't count brown people coming to America to have a better life as the American Dream. I mean, come on, our country is white, right? We are the Americans. Yeah, I guess our ancestors were English and Irish and German, but hey, we are American. Because we are white. And brown people weren't included in the "traditional American Dream." Because they worked for us, the white Americans. And when did brown and yellow people get to start coming here and taking our dream anyway? This is still white America. A melting pot of WHITE.

I really hope you can see how full of crap that previous paragraph is. Any of you who say that Nina Davuluri doesn't deserve to be Miss America because she's "not American enough" need to stop talking or tweeting or whatever it is that you do to perpetuate racism. The fact that this Miss America did a traditional folk dance for her talent and won is amazing! She's embracing her heritage at an iconic American event and being rewarded for it--that is the American Dream.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Bipolar Management 101

I was diagnosed with bipolar II three weeks ago. Now that I know I have it, it's so much easier to understand! Here are 5 things I've learned that help manage my symptoms:

1. If you're feeling blue, wear red. Today I am wearing a blue shirt and fuchsia shorts and hot pink fuzzy socks (not leaving the house like this!). I was feeling kind of down, so I put on bright colors! It helps! About 50% of my closet is black. It's fashionable, slimming, and works for most events. It also, however, has the tendency to pull your mood down and make you sad. So if you're feeling blue, wear red. Metaphorically, of course, if your color isn't red. ;-)

2. Sticky note your mirror. Write one thing that you like about yourself every day on a sticky note. Put the sticky notes around the edge of your mirror. You'll see them every day and they will make you feel a little better! And don't be too cynical when you see them--your smile is beautiful, you are a good person. Don't use these to pull yourself down!

3. Set small goals and make them. If you're in a downward spiral, it's hard to get out. But if you set a small goal and make it, it starts helping. Then do it again. I'm talking small goals: pick up a few dirty clothes, unload the dishwasher, write a letter to a friend, make the bed, etc. Small goals that matter. These will improve your mood. Again, this is something that you will be able to use against yourself: "Unloading the dishwasher is nothing; why would that make me feel better? I'm so much better than that." No! Don't do that! Just unload the dishwasher and then tell me you don't feel better.

4. Do not reward yourself with food--you are not a dog. This is a hard one. We are obsessed with rewarding ourselves with dinner out or a special dessert or a double-triple-mocha-frappucino-latte "because I deserve it." Here's the thing: you are not a dog. Dogs get rewarded with treats. People don't. So don't treat yourself like a dog. Rewarding yourself like a dog will never make you feel better. Sure, it will while you're eating or sitting in the drive-thru waiting for your coffee or something, but 20 minutes later, you'll have nothing but a stomachache and a sugar crash to show for it--and your mood will take a giant dive, making the rest of your day horrible.

5. Keep your friends close. Seriously. You need them. You need to talk to them about the fact that you have bipolar and you will not always treat them the way they should be treated, but you know that and you're doing your best to seek treatment. If you just treat your friends like crap and you don't talk to them and find treatment, it's on you if they leave. You need your friends, so make sure you treat them like friends.

Stay strong!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

5 Things Fibromyalgia Books Don't Tell You

There are many books and articles out there that tell you lots of things about fibromyalgia. Here are five very important things you should know:

1. Mood disorders come with fibromyalgia. You don't necessarily have a bad mood because you're irate about being in pain all the time. One of my doctors is amazing and she published this article about diagnosing fibromyalgia and how mood disorders are often co-morbid with fibromyalgia. I used to be diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). Then I saw this awesome doctor and we talked for two and a half hours. She came up with bipolar II--a much more fitting diagnosis than GAD.

2. Some days you'd rather not be productive than actually be productive. It's way easier to sit on your butt and not do something than do something and hurt so much you have to quit. Quitting sucks. That's the hard truth of it. It's horrible. And people with fibromyalgia have to quit a lot of things they used to do: sports, work, going out, things they loved doing. Some days it's too hard to have to quit again. And you'd rather sit the day out. Just let it go by without quitting anything. Some days that's easier.

3. You start relying on things you never thought you would care about. I cancelled my cable about a month ago. We didn't need it and we were paying way too much for it. Before that, I watched "Good Morning America" every morning. And then I didn't watch it for a month. You wouldn't believe how much I missed starting my morning with Robin, Sam, Josh, and Lara. It had become a part of my days. I tweeted GMA and they tweeted me back. There was some part of me that had gotten to "know" them. I know it sounds stupid, but I needed them. We got an HD tuner over the weekend and today I got to watch GMA again! It was so good to see them again!

4. You will have to fight for your relationships. I got engaged after I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I asked my new fiancé if he'd thought about what it would be like to live with someone with a chronic pain condition or not. He said that he had and he was willing and happy to be with me. So, I thought that was it. But now that we're married, I want so much more to be the best wife ever. And I'm not the wife I want to be. It changes our relationship--he's a caretaker as much as he is a husband. And that's not the husband I want him to have to be. We fight for our relationship every day.

5. You will be angry and scared and upset more than you will be happy--but when you're happy, you will be happy. There are so many days that will suck more than you can every imagine. But when you get a good day, you will be over the moon, I promise! You will try to pack it as full as you can of everything you need to do: errands, phone calls, cooking, cleaning, and tons of other things! And you'll be so happy and so full of energy and life! And then the next day, you are going to hurt so much and be back where you were before your great day. But those days are so worth it! And you'll learn now to not completely pack your day full to the point of exhaustion!

Be happy, be healthy (as much as you can), and keep smiling!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

"Bipolar" is Not a 4-Letter Word

Three weeks ago I was diagnosed with bipolar II. It runs in my family and I've had friends joking about me having it for years, so it wasn't a huge surprise to get the diagnosis. I've been on medication trials for a couple of weeks and, while it's hard to find something that doubles well with the fibromyalgia, my mood has improved amazingly. I feel happy for no reason sometimes again, it's easier to not sweat the small stuff, and my relationship with my husband is better than ever!

The only hard part about this diagnosis has been peoples' reactions to hearing it. Some people immediately feel uncomfortable and ignore that I've just said something: "Oh...and how is your husband's job going?" His job is amazing, thank you. Some people feel like I need to be reassured: "It's okay. Everything will be okay." Yes, I know. Some people want to know if it's curable and act like it's a cold or the flu: "When will you get over it?" Never. This is just the way my brain works.

Bipolar II is not the "bipolar" you see in the movies. I don't stay up for four days straight obsessing over one hobby or project. I don't start screaming at people over the the tiniest things. I don't go from depressed to manic in 20 seconds flat. I go through a similar cycle to this, but over the period of a few weeks, not minutes. For a few weeks I have the tendency to be irritable, tired, and generally grumpy. Then I have a few days when I don't need as much sleep and I'm alert and happy.

Bipolar II is nothing to be afraid of. I am so thankful for this diagnosis! This helps everything. Yes, I'm doing medicine trials to try to make my pain more bearable. Yes, I've sent out over 70 job applications and I'm still unemployed. Yes, I am throwing up and having migraines almost every day because of the medicine.

But, I'm not crying every day over little tiny things anymore. I don't see myself as a victim of my circumstances anymore. I'm not scared of the future anymore. I'm happy! And yeah, I still get frustrated sometimes, but that's not because I have bipolar II--it's because I'm a person.

Please don't tiptoe around acting like bipolar II is something to be ashamed of. Keeping it in the shadows just makes it harder for those of us who actually have it and aren't ashamed of it. Ask questions, read articles, and talk about it!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."--Gandhi