Iran Deal Riles Americans. Should It?

Last night, a group of countries reached a treaty with Iran to start working on its nuclear stuff.

Does it sound like I have no idea what happened last night?! That's because I don't have any idea what happened last night. Sure, I can parrot back news headlines and what my senators have to say about the deal; but could I explain it to a sixth grader? Not a chance. And I'm not alone.

Most people in the US are not foreign diplomats. Most people in the US are not nuclear engineers. Most people in the US know about foreign relations and nuclear treaties based only on what the media shows them.

This morning I woke up and on my Facebook Newsfeed one of my friends was calling Obama "a dangerous president" because of the deal we made last night. Another friend said that "our country is going downhill and now taking the rest of the world with it."

Really? Is that what you think based on your years of experience in the field? Or is that what the news channel that you decided to watch told you?

Our age of 24-hour news has made all of us "experts" and we all have our "expert opinions" that we try to shove down other people's throats on social media. I'm willing to bet that neither one of my friends who commented about Iran's nuclear program has any reason to think what they think other than "well, that's what a particular news channel said" or "well, that's what a particular senator who disagrees with the President said."

Come on, guys. Even if you "research" your opinions on foreign relations, how are you so arrogant to think that you know better than the people you put in office? Oh, you didn't vote for Obama? Well, tough cookies. You still put him in office. And if you think that reading a couple of articles about Iran's nuclear program makes you more qualified to form an opinion and create a plan than the President (regardless of his party), you're arrogant.

None of us know what exactly is going on in that program.
None of us can fathom what's at stake.
None of us should think that we know better than experts just because we watched a certain news channel.

The age we live in is showing just how quick we are to take sides and fight to the death for something we know nothing about. We know so little and yet we are so willing to put everything on the line to tell everyone how "much" we know and why everyone should agree with us.

A year ago, I "knew" that the guy I voted for was the bomb-diggety and I couldn't wait to rub it in the faces of people who lost the election. I was super-arrogant about everything, too. I am beyond grateful that I've been humbled to the point that I have realized just how little I know about everything that I was writing and fighting about last year. It's made me see how silly people who think that they're being "progressive" or "politically active" make themselves look so much of the time.

I believe in having opinions (obviously) and I believe in voting for the person you think will do the best job carrying out your opinions. But I do not believe in pretending to know anything about other countries' nuclear programs or anything where you have to go through years of specialized training to know anything about it.

This week is Thanksgiving. Instead of trying to provoke people into arguments and violence, put your arrogance down and be thankful--be so thankful--for the little that you do know.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi 

To College Students

I was in school at the University of Louisville for five years, getting my undergrad in music education. I did all the "normal" college things: went out with friends, went to class most of the time, had fun, and learned a lot. I graduated in 2012 and haven't been back very much since then. 

By chance--well, by scheduling problems--I ended up back at the School of Music the other day waiting for my sister. I was planning on just hanging out in the music library until she came to pick me up. To my delight, though, the tenor and baritone professors were giving a joint concert! I sat in the back of the concert hall while I waited for my sister to pick me up and had these thoughts that I wanted to share with every college student:

• During college, you are surrounded by professionals who are highly respected in their fields and who want to share what they know with you. Take the time to learn from them! Don't just go to class--go to office hours, pick their brains, and make connections that will last. For most of you, this is the one time in your life that you will have access to these people--use them! It's what they signed up for!
• Stay focused. It's so easy to get sidetracked in college! There are a million things to do besides anything that has to do with your future goals. Keep your eye on the prize and work for it. You will always have the opportunity to make friends and go out; you will not always have the opportunity to get a great education and take the amazing classes you have access to.
• Take the time to stay in love with your major. Getting to hear the concert at my alma mater made me remember how much I love music. When I was in college, it always felt like music was a chore: one more concert that takes my evening away, one more solo piece to learn on top of everything else I have to do, one more set of instrument fingerings to cram into my already full brain. I rarely felt as moved by music in college as I did the other night, listening to those two amazing professors. Take a step back every now and again and remember the reason you wanted to major in the subject you chose.

All of this might sound a little sappy, but seriously, take advantage of where you are. I've been out of college for 18 months and can't tell you how much I'd change if I got to do it over again. I had a great college experience, don't get me wrong, but there is so much that I still want to learn and had the chance to learn--and didn't!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Grade School Government: Shutdown Edition

There has been so much press and media coverage about the federal government shutdown that, in all honesty, I was going to ignore it and let everyone else blog about it. But then it happened and it looks like it's here to stay for a while, so that's my cue to weigh in. :-)

The Reality of the Situation in Plain English

• The name of the healthcare plan is The Affordable Care Act (ACA); not Obamacare.
• The ACA was passed by Congress and signed into law by President Obama in 2009. 
• The ACA is not unconstitutional. It was a bill, then it went through the process that bills have to go through to become laws, then it became a law. It's just like any other law.
• A lot of people don't like certain laws. The laws are still laws, regardless of how popular they are (like how much we have to pay in federal taxes--not a lot people love it, but we still do it).
• A small faction of House Republicans is demanding that President Obama change the law that was passed through their part of Congress four years ago. 
• President Obama is not required to change the ACA by any stretch of the imagination. It's not really his problem. Think about it: if a bunch of people didn't like our tax laws, it would be completely inappropriate to call the President and demand that he negotiate with them. It's not his problem. That's not his job description.
• House Republicans are holding the American people and the American economy hostage by allowing--no, demanding--a federal government shutdown.
• Hundreds of thousands of federal workers are being asked to stay home without pay.
• Our Congressmen and Congresswomen still get their paychecks, in-house doctor, and private post office. They lost their shoe shiner, barber, and elevator attendant due to the shutdown. My heart goes out to them while they actually have to shine their own shoes, go to a public barber, and push their own elevator buttons. Must be hard.
• This shutdown is costing our country $300M every day it's in effect.

So what it all boils down to is this: 

Grade school Congressmen: "Do it our way or we're taking our toys and going home."

President: "What are you talking about?"

Grade school Congressmen: "It's our way or the highway!"

President: "Um...nope, that's not quite how that works."

Grade school Congressmen: "You negotiate with terrorists!"

And then the government shut down.

To the unhappy House Republicans: You lost one. The law passed four years ago. Suck it up. Oh, and do the jobs you were elected to do instead of making hundreds of thousands of your constituents lose money over your pissing match.

To the unhappy Washington Democrats: Stop being jerks about all of this. For those of us paying attention, we know. It's not you, it's them. Fine. Just stop being so horribly rude to each other. You're not endearing yourselves to anyone.

To the extremely unhappy extreme right-wing of this country: Will you please just take a step back for a minute and look at all of this from an objective perspective? From what I understand, you think that having a "federally run healthcare system" is bad. You don't like big government. Okay, fine. But here's where your system doesn't work: unemployed poor people can't afford healthcare. Unless you're saying, "Well, if poor people (including kids) don't have healthcare, they should have worked harder and gotten to where I am because, by God, if you work hard in America you can be anything, and if you didn't get there, tough luck," you can't be okay with leaving thousands of kids and disabled people without healthcare. And if you are saying that, you're delusional. I know that's how our country worked for you, but that's not the case for every American and if you think it is, you need to go serve food at soup kitchens, help kids learn to read at poor schools, and go talk to people you see living on the streets. Then come back and tell me that we have equal opportunity.

To the extremely unhappy left-wing of this country: Stop acting like you know best and your "people" aren't doing anything wrong. Everyone in Washington is acting like spoiled kids, included the Democrats. Like I suggested for the right: take a step back. Instead of calling each other names and acting like jerks all the time, let's see if we can work together on a solution instead of just walking around saying "neener neener, their guys are going to blink first." That's not helpful and it's incredibly rude. Have some pride.

I would love to see a government in which its employees did not take the country's citizens hostage to gain a political win. I thought we had that. I was wrong. We, as citizens, need to step up and tell our government that what's going on is wrong. Call your Senators and Representatives. This is a link to the Senate page where you can find all of the Senators' phone numbers. This is a link to the corresponding House page. I'll be calling my Senators (Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul) and my Representative (Thomas Massie) today. Join me!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Kids on TV: Good for Kids or Just Good TV?

I was flipping through Hulu Plus this morning and came across a new show: "MasterChef Junior." I'd seen some ads for it and I love "Top Chef" (not "MasterChef" or "Hell's Kitchen"--Ramsey, who is the judge on those as well as "MasterChef Junior" is way too mean for my taste), so I gave it a whirl. Much to my surprise, I actually liked it! It was entertaining, nice to see kids who can be creative and think critically, Ramsey was actually nice, and it was well produced. With a warm, fuzzy feeling inside, I turned off the TV and went about my morning.

And then I got to thinking (much to my chagrin!).

Regardless of whether these kiddos are actors or not (there is apparently some controversy over this right now), is being on shows like this one good for them? Yes, they're making money and making a name for themselves at that age, which our society values and respects, sure. But is it good for the kids? "MasterChef Junior" is by far the best kid-involved show I've seen--there's no yelling (yet), swearing (yet), or making kids feel like they're horrible people (yet). But what does it do to the kids psychologically? Is being on TV something we should encourage and push our kids to do?

When I was in college, my sister and I found the "Toddlers and Tiaras" YouTube channel. It was like watching a car crash--we couldn't look away! We spent an entire Saturday morning watching "Toddlers and Tiaras" episodes. In my opinion, some of what those kids go through could easily be classified as child abuse. But in our society, it's just thought of as "beauty is pain" and we want our little girls to learn to do whatever it takes to be "glamourous" and "beautiful." But those kids are being massively messed with! I don't know how long that show's been on now, but I would love to see a 10 year reunion of those girls and find out how being on "Toddlers and Tiaras" and being in homes like that has affected them. I'm willing to bet that they're not well-balanced young women with high self-esteem.

Another show that involves kids is "DanceMoms." I can't even make it through an episode of it because it's so horrible. The main mom is verbally abusive to the kids and the other moms. What is "DanceMoms" teaching our society? That it's okay for moms to treat their little girls like crap because they "want what's best" for their kids? And what does it teach our kids? That it's okay if mommy yells at you and makes you cry? That if you're not good enough it's better to not try instead of going on stage and doing your best even if you mess up?

We need to think as a collective society: parents, kids, acting studios, "talent" agents, etc: Would we like make a quick buck on a television show that gets good ratings regardless of the content? Or would we rather raise kids in healthy environments and maybe not make as much money because we're not exploiting them for high TV ratings?

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

5 Practical Ways to Spice Up Your Marriage

Author's Note: I've been married for less than 3 months, so this post is not for me or about me, nor should it be seen as a reflection of my marriage! :-)

This morning I saw an interview with the stars of the new ABC show "Betrayed." It's a show about two people who fall in love, even though they're both married to other people. Sam Champion joked that he wanted to run home and make sure his husband is happy! But it got me thinking: what can you do to spice your marriage up if you're in the Doldrums of Monogamy?

What I came up with might seem incredibly dull at first glance, but it all works. None of it is "listen to their needs" type stuff, because I don't know your relationship and what's good for mine might not be good for yours; so it's all stuff you can do. And it's not just for the ladies to do for their husbands, so feminists, when you get your panties in a twist over some of this stuff due to your own assumptions, just relax.

1. Spontaneously do your spouse's laundry. I'm completely serious. Whether you have laundry machines at your house or you go to a laundry facility, do your spouse's laundry for them. You don't have to make a big thing about it and promise to do it forever. It's just a nice gesture that saves them some time and you probably have enough time to take 20 minutes out of your day to make them smile.
Note: Do not tell your spouse, "I'd like to do your laundry for you" and then let them talk you out of it and then feel good about yourself for offering. No! Bad spouse! Just do it! 

2. Pick up your clutter. Then pick up your spouse's clutter. Clutter is something that happens to everyone. And it's like a disease: It starts with, "Well she left her stuff out so I can leave my stuff out" and then progresses to a MESS. If you're not good about picking up your clutter, just pick it up. Then pick up your spouse's clutter. I know it's not yours. I know it's not your dirty dish left on the end table or your half-empty cold cup of coffee left in the bathroom. Do it anyway. It will make them feel happy that you were mature enough to do the right thing even though you didn't have to.
Note: If you do this while they are home, and you do it half-heartedly while sighing loudly, that defeats the purpose. Just a little tip from me to you.

3. Cook a meal for your spouse and eat together. This is considered sweet in many cultures around the world. So do it! Go get groceries and cook a meal. If you guys have different palates, cook something your spouse will like, not your favorite meal that your spouse hates. Then eat together and don't turn the TV on. Talk! To each other. No phones.
Note: Bringing fast food home is not cooking.

4. Do the dishes even if it's not your turn. My husband and I have a routine: one of us cooks and the other one cleans up. It's the same routine my parents had when I was growing up and it's a good one. However, some nights if the person who is supposed to clean up is really busy or something, it would be so nice if you cleaned up after dinner! What else do you have going on? Seriously. What are you going to do while your spouse works? Watch TV? Text someone about what a poop that person is because you had to cook and clean? Tweet about it? Just do the damn dishes without complaint. Trust me, your spouse will notice and they will be happy.
Note: Keeping track of what dishes were supposed to be washed on the other person's night and instead were neglected is considered rude. Do not just let those dishes sit there until your spouse notices. This will cause more problems than it's worth, even though, yes, you have a very RIGHT point. So, actually, if you're more interested in being right than having a good relationship, ignore this.

5. Deal with the pet poop. It doesn't matter what kind of animal(s) you have; poop is gross. No one wants to be on poop patrol. So if you just want to do something nice for your spouse, instead of just ignoring the poop that's in your backyard from your dog or in the litter box from your cat or bunny or clouding up the aquarium from your fish and letting your spouse be the one to get tired of it first and clean it, just deal. Get it done. Then you have happy pets and a happy spouse!
Note: It's disgusting. But it's something that will make your spouse very happy.

How do these mundane things spice up a marriage, you ask?

Well, says I, surprising your spouse is always fun! Wouldn't you rather surprise them with something that makes a difference in your household than something that costs you money and a great deal of planning? I'm not advocating that you do one of these things for your spouse's next birthday, mind you. I'm just saying that you can turn an ordinary Thursday into a fun evening by changing it up! If you do something that saves your spouse time as well as makes them happy, and because of that you have an extra half hour in the evening, I'm sure that together you can come up with a good use of that time!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Mini-Experiment: 1 Month Without TV

In all honesty, this experiment happened by accident! My husband and I had signed up for a great cable package when we moved in July 2012. One year later, the price of that package went up by $40/month! We decided we didn't watch enough television to pay that much per month, so we cancelled our cable, with the understanding that we would get an HD antenna for the TV. That way we could still watch our local channels, which is pretty much all we'd watched when we had cable anyway.

Days turned into weeks after we cancelled our cable; still no HD antenna. I was having a lot of trouble with fibromyalgia flare-ups, my teacher-husband's school year was starting, and we were just generally busy. About two weeks after we cancelled cable, I realized two things:

1. I missed my local ABC station team (WCPO) and the Good Morning America and ABC World News Tonight teams like crazy! I had gotten so used to starting every morning with them, that they'd become like a second family; not to mention the fact that I'd grown up watching Diane Sawyer and seeing her giant poster downtown for the seven years I lived in Louisville, KY. I had been tweeting with them almost every day and had actually developed Twitter relationships with some of the local anchors and reporters, as well as a few people at the national level at ABC. It felt like I was missing something without them in my day.
2. My anxiety level was nowhere near as high as it had been when I was watching the news every day. It's not like I didn't know what was going on; I read the ABC app headlines and stories every day, but did not watch one news video. No war in Syria videos with dead bodies, no anxiety-filled potential Korean attack videos, no celebrity gossip videos, none of it. And I was calmer and happier without all of that horrible footage inundating my home.

So, time went on. And then football season started. I am the biggest football fan ever, so that's when I drove my husband to Best Buy and we chose an HD antenna! I was so excited to see everyone at WCPO and ABC again! It felt like I was seeing friends I hadn't seen in a month! And my anxiety went through the roof.

This mini-experiment was an accident, but I learned so much about myself both during it and in the few weeks since it's been over. I grew up without television, not getting one in my house until I was 16. Since that time, I have loved TV, almost feeling like I'm making up for lost time! But at what cost?

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Job Candidate: The Bipolar Narcoleptic with Fibromyalgia?

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." I end every article with this quote from Gandhi. It's a mantra of mine and I do my best to keep it at the forefront of my actions. But would you change your mantra and, by extension, your actions if you realized it was hurting your chances finding employment?

Over the last two years I've been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, narcolepsy, and bipolar II. I have used ChickOpinion for the last year as a platform to educate people about what these conditions are and how they affect the people who have them. It's my goal to help people who have these conditions cope better with them, and to help people without these conditions learn more about them. Only through education will people truly have compassion. 

I have never been shy about talking about these conditions. It has been my experience that the best way to educate people is to be honest and open about what I go through on a daily basis, so that, hopefully, they can learn from me. More than anything, I want to help people. This has been an uphill battle for me for almost two years now. If I can make that battle easier for someone else, I'll do whatever it takes.

These conditions come with massive stereotypes:

• Fibromyalgia - in pain, lazy, unaccountable
• Narcolepsy - lazy, unsafe, unreliable
• Bipolar II - crazy, unstable, depressed

You don't realize that you're being put into these stereotypes until you take a step back and look at the big picture. For me, my biggest moment of realization came last week when I was mulling over my job situation. Before my diagnoses, I was offered every job I applied for. In the last year, I've applied to over 80 positions, gotten 1 interview, and am still unemployed. I can't prove anything when it comes to discrimination or prejudice in hiring committees, but if you Google my name, you see "fibromyalgia" and "bipolar" first. 

I have done my best to embody my mantra and be the change that I wish to see in this world. I want to give hope to people who don't have a clue how to start living after their diagnoses. I want to make having a neurological condition socially acceptable. I want to be seen as who I am, not as the sum of my conditions. Instead, employers just see a liability.

I am going to continue to talk about all of these conditions, because not enough people speak up. 

I am never going to hide my conditions out of fear, because that only perpetuates the silent spiral of ignorance. 

I am going to be stronger than someone who has never faced conditions like these, because I will not give up.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Miss America: American Dream Realized

Photo courtesy of AP.

Nina Davuluri was crowned "Miss America" last night, the first Indian-American to hold the storied title. Immediately following the crowning, Twitter exploded with racial slurs, including calling Davuluri "Princess Jasmine," "Muslim," and "al-Qaeda." The caption "This is what a REAL Miss America looks like" was put next to Miss Kansas's photo, a bombshell blonde in her Army fatigues. One twit tweeted, "Only in America can #MissAmerica not 'look American.' #GodBlessAmerica."

Before I get to the obvious smack-down of stupid, here are a few tidbits you should know about the new Miss America:
1. She was born in Syracuse, New York. She is American-born, just like everyone else in that competition.
2. She is not Muslim.
3. India doesn't have any al-Qaeda ties. Neither does Miss America.

Now. One of the tweeting haters has the last name "Clearkin." What is the origin of that name? Irish? Another one of the tweets came from someone with the last name of "Priest." English. Another was "Dague." French. Unless you are of Native American descent, your ancestors came to the United States and you hail their success as "the American Dream." You tout your family's business ventures and climbing of the societal ladder as coming out of our "melting pot" of a country. You see yourself as a third-, fourth-, or fifth- generation "American." Do you think your grandparents or great-grandparents should have been treated as American, even if they were immigrants or children of immigrants? Of course you do!

Photo courtesy of Reuters.

Miss America Nina Davuluri is the daughter of immigrants. Her family is the epitome of the traditional American Dream! Unless you don't count brown people coming to America to have a better life as the American Dream. I mean, come on, our country is white, right? We are the Americans. Yeah, I guess our ancestors were English and Irish and German, but hey, we are American. Because we are white. And brown people weren't included in the "traditional American Dream." Because they worked for us, the white Americans. And when did brown and yellow people get to start coming here and taking our dream anyway? This is still white America. A melting pot of WHITE.

I really hope you can see how full of crap that previous paragraph is. Any of you who say that Nina Davuluri doesn't deserve to be Miss America because she's "not American enough" need to stop talking or tweeting or whatever it is that you do to perpetuate racism. The fact that this Miss America did a traditional folk dance for her talent and won is amazing! She's embracing her heritage at an iconic American event and being rewarded for it--that is the American Dream.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Bipolar Management 101

I was diagnosed with bipolar II three weeks ago. Now that I know I have it, it's so much easier to understand! Here are 5 things I've learned that help manage my symptoms:

1. If you're feeling blue, wear red. Today I am wearing a blue shirt and fuchsia shorts and hot pink fuzzy socks (not leaving the house like this!). I was feeling kind of down, so I put on bright colors! It helps! About 50% of my closet is black. It's fashionable, slimming, and works for most events. It also, however, has the tendency to pull your mood down and make you sad. So if you're feeling blue, wear red. Metaphorically, of course, if your color isn't red. ;-)

2. Sticky note your mirror. Write one thing that you like about yourself every day on a sticky note. Put the sticky notes around the edge of your mirror. You'll see them every day and they will make you feel a little better! And don't be too cynical when you see them--your smile is beautiful, you are a good person. Don't use these to pull yourself down!

3. Set small goals and make them. If you're in a downward spiral, it's hard to get out. But if you set a small goal and make it, it starts helping. Then do it again. I'm talking small goals: pick up a few dirty clothes, unload the dishwasher, write a letter to a friend, make the bed, etc. Small goals that matter. These will improve your mood. Again, this is something that you will be able to use against yourself: "Unloading the dishwasher is nothing; why would that make me feel better? I'm so much better than that." No! Don't do that! Just unload the dishwasher and then tell me you don't feel better.

4. Do not reward yourself with food--you are not a dog. This is a hard one. We are obsessed with rewarding ourselves with dinner out or a special dessert or a double-triple-mocha-frappucino-latte "because I deserve it." Here's the thing: you are not a dog. Dogs get rewarded with treats. People don't. So don't treat yourself like a dog. Rewarding yourself like a dog will never make you feel better. Sure, it will while you're eating or sitting in the drive-thru waiting for your coffee or something, but 20 minutes later, you'll have nothing but a stomachache and a sugar crash to show for it--and your mood will take a giant dive, making the rest of your day horrible.

5. Keep your friends close. Seriously. You need them. You need to talk to them about the fact that you have bipolar and you will not always treat them the way they should be treated, but you know that and you're doing your best to seek treatment. If you just treat your friends like crap and you don't talk to them and find treatment, it's on you if they leave. You need your friends, so make sure you treat them like friends.

Stay strong!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

5 Things Fibromyalgia Books Don't Tell You

There are many books and articles out there that tell you lots of things about fibromyalgia. Here are five very important things you should know:

1. Mood disorders come with fibromyalgia. You don't necessarily have a bad mood because you're irate about being in pain all the time. One of my doctors is amazing and she published this article about diagnosing fibromyalgia and how mood disorders are often co-morbid with fibromyalgia. I used to be diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). Then I saw this awesome doctor and we talked for two and a half hours. She came up with bipolar II--a much more fitting diagnosis than GAD.

2. Some days you'd rather not be productive than actually be productive. It's way easier to sit on your butt and not do something than do something and hurt so much you have to quit. Quitting sucks. That's the hard truth of it. It's horrible. And people with fibromyalgia have to quit a lot of things they used to do: sports, work, going out, things they loved doing. Some days it's too hard to have to quit again. And you'd rather sit the day out. Just let it go by without quitting anything. Some days that's easier.

3. You start relying on things you never thought you would care about. I cancelled my cable about a month ago. We didn't need it and we were paying way too much for it. Before that, I watched "Good Morning America" every morning. And then I didn't watch it for a month. You wouldn't believe how much I missed starting my morning with Robin, Sam, Josh, and Lara. It had become a part of my days. I tweeted GMA and they tweeted me back. There was some part of me that had gotten to "know" them. I know it sounds stupid, but I needed them. We got an HD tuner over the weekend and today I got to watch GMA again! It was so good to see them again!

4. You will have to fight for your relationships. I got engaged after I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I asked my new fiancé if he'd thought about what it would be like to live with someone with a chronic pain condition or not. He said that he had and he was willing and happy to be with me. So, I thought that was it. But now that we're married, I want so much more to be the best wife ever. And I'm not the wife I want to be. It changes our relationship--he's a caretaker as much as he is a husband. And that's not the husband I want him to have to be. We fight for our relationship every day.

5. You will be angry and scared and upset more than you will be happy--but when you're happy, you will be happy. There are so many days that will suck more than you can every imagine. But when you get a good day, you will be over the moon, I promise! You will try to pack it as full as you can of everything you need to do: errands, phone calls, cooking, cleaning, and tons of other things! And you'll be so happy and so full of energy and life! And then the next day, you are going to hurt so much and be back where you were before your great day. But those days are so worth it! And you'll learn now to not completely pack your day full to the point of exhaustion!

Be happy, be healthy (as much as you can), and keep smiling!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

"Bipolar" is Not a 4-Letter Word

Three weeks ago I was diagnosed with bipolar II. It runs in my family and I've had friends joking about me having it for years, so it wasn't a huge surprise to get the diagnosis. I've been on medication trials for a couple of weeks and, while it's hard to find something that doubles well with the fibromyalgia, my mood has improved amazingly. I feel happy for no reason sometimes again, it's easier to not sweat the small stuff, and my relationship with my husband is better than ever!

The only hard part about this diagnosis has been peoples' reactions to hearing it. Some people immediately feel uncomfortable and ignore that I've just said something: "Oh...and how is your husband's job going?" His job is amazing, thank you. Some people feel like I need to be reassured: "It's okay. Everything will be okay." Yes, I know. Some people want to know if it's curable and act like it's a cold or the flu: "When will you get over it?" Never. This is just the way my brain works.

Bipolar II is not the "bipolar" you see in the movies. I don't stay up for four days straight obsessing over one hobby or project. I don't start screaming at people over the the tiniest things. I don't go from depressed to manic in 20 seconds flat. I go through a similar cycle to this, but over the period of a few weeks, not minutes. For a few weeks I have the tendency to be irritable, tired, and generally grumpy. Then I have a few days when I don't need as much sleep and I'm alert and happy.

Bipolar II is nothing to be afraid of. I am so thankful for this diagnosis! This helps everything. Yes, I'm doing medicine trials to try to make my pain more bearable. Yes, I've sent out over 70 job applications and I'm still unemployed. Yes, I am throwing up and having migraines almost every day because of the medicine.

But, I'm not crying every day over little tiny things anymore. I don't see myself as a victim of my circumstances anymore. I'm not scared of the future anymore. I'm happy! And yeah, I still get frustrated sometimes, but that's not because I have bipolar II--it's because I'm a person.

Please don't tiptoe around acting like bipolar II is something to be ashamed of. Keeping it in the shadows just makes it harder for those of us who actually have it and aren't ashamed of it. Ask questions, read articles, and talk about it!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."--Gandhi

Teacher Gets 30 Days for Sleeping with Student

This morning I saw this story. It's about a 14-year-old girl at Billings Senior High School who underwent "pre-sexual grooming" by her teacher that led to them having sex back in 2008. When the school administration caught wind of the relationship, the teacher resigned. The case took so long to get through the courts that in early 2010 the girl, just weeks short of her 17th birthday, committed suicide.

On Monday, the judge finally sentenced the teacher: 15 years in prison. And then he suspended all but 30 days of the sentence. The defense attorney said, "She seemed older than her chronological age. Basically what we had was a troubled young girl." The judge said, "It's not probably the kind of rape most people think about. It was not a violent, forcible, beat-the-victim rape, like you see in the movies...It was a troubled young girl, and he was a teacher...She was as in much control [as the teacher]."

It's so easy to blame the girl. "She led the teacher on." "She liked the attention." "He was just trying to be friendly." "If she didn't want him to have sex with her, why did she tell him she did?" Oh, it's so easy. But you know what? Just because it's easy does NOT mean it's correct. In fact, it is a load of crap.

Pre-sexual grooming by a teacher might be the most despicable action that exists. If you're not used to the term "grooming," here's how it starts: the student hangs out after school one day and the teacher engages in friendly chat. Nothing inappropriate. Yet. The teacher starts allowing the student to feel like she's in charge of the budding "relationship." She starts pushing the boundaries. The teacher fakes feeling reluctant, but goes along with it, making the student feel like she's powerful. And there it goes: relationship underway. Completely consensual, completely illegal, completely asinine.

This girl went through the two worst years of her life before she killed herself. Depression, no friends, no social life, no motivation to go to school except to see "him," the "him" of course, being her teacher. Her married teacher. Those two years of her life were so bad and so horrible that she ended it because she could see no other way out.

This teacher killed a girl. And he's getting 30 days in jail. 30 days to sit by himself and think about the fact that in 4 weeks, his life will be back to normal. Sure, he doesn't have a job anymore or a wife waiting for him anymore, but he has a life. His student doesn't. Because he made her life a living hell and she wanted out so badly that she left. He killed her. And he gets 30 days.

I know this girl's mindset. I know how isolated she felt. I know how empowered she thought she was. I know how it felt like nothing would be better ever again. I know how every relationship after him reminded her of him. I know why she never trusted another man again. And I can understand why she ended it.

You might be wondering how I know. I do know what I'm talking about. Because I was the girl.

I was one in a list of a few girls that a teacher pre-groomed to become his mistress. Thankfully for me, I got myself out of it before I slept with him, but after he'd already taken two years away from me. The other girls went all the way with him. The administration covered it up. The teacher is still teaching. Still grooming his girls. And the courts won't do anything because I can't prove it happened. I've seen the "program" he went through after I graduated: a few paragraphs on an article about sexual misconduct with the prompt "how do you feel about this article?" That's what Kentucky does to teachers who sleep with students. That's it.

At least in Montana administrators get around to firing teachers who sleep with their students.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Accidental Grownup: 5 "Fun" Things I Used to Hate

Today is my husband's first day back to school! He teaches choir at a high school and we've been busy the last few days getting his classroom set up. His first day back to school means that it's my first day back to having the house to myself during the days. After he left this morning, I realized that a few of the things I was looking forward to doing today aren't the same as they were a year ago!

1. De-cluttering the apartment. We always have stuff lying around that doesn't need to be out. I'm not sure why I don't de-clutter as much when my husband is home, but I get to put everything back where it needs to be!

2. Cleaning the kitchen. Our kitchen is small. This means one of two things: we should eat out all the time or we should have a really great organizational setup so that we never allow anything to accumulate in the kitchen. We do neither of these things. Today I get to do a deep clean of the kitchen and put some organizational tools in place to help us keep it clean!

3. Exercising. Now, to be honest, I've always loved exercising. It has not, however, always been a habit for me. Today I woke up just itching to get going in the beautiful sunshine we have today! I had a wonderful time and I can't wait to go again tomorrow!

4. Making a budget. I love numbers and I like making sure I have enough money to eat, but it's only been in the last few years that I've gotten good at budgets. Today I'm making our expense/income sheets for our new monthly budget!

5. Planning for the future. Well, we got married this summer, so I suppose that means kids are in the works sometime in the next few years! The only problem with that is that I am still self-employed and not exactly raking in the dough. I'm excited to look at what I need to be doing to generate a substantial supplemental income, while still doing something I love!

I think sometime over the last year, I accidentally grew up! These are all things I used to dread or not see as top-priority, but now they all seem rather important and fun. And, as an added bonus, it's always fun to feel like an adult every now and again!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

"Ditch Mitch": When Will We Have Substance?

The Capitol. Kinsey Hein, 2013.

I live in Kentucky. I have voted in Kentucky elections for the last six years. I vote for candidates based on what they are bringing to the office for which they are running, how they have run their campaigns, and whether or not I believe that they have the best interest of the country at heart. I do not vote for a candidate just because they represent a certain party.

I am not a fan of Senator Mitch McConnell, one of Kentucky's senators. No, it's not because he's a Republican and I'm a Democrat and so of course I should hate him. It's because I don't agree with things he's supported (or loudly not supported) during his tenure in Washington. He has voted for war in Iraq, the Keystone Pipeline project, and a tax break for himself; all issues I see as despicable. He has voted against gun regulation, campaign finance reform, the Violence Against Women Act, affordable health care; all issues with which I have a very personal relationship and believe are necessary for the good of our country.

Mitch McConnell is up for reelection in November 2014. The assumed Democratic candidate running for US Senate is Alison Grimes, the current Secretary of State of Kentucky. She took the office only 19 months ago, so when her name started coming up, I paid attention. I wanted to see what experience she's gotten during her stint as our Secretary of State, seeing as she was a local intellectual property lawyer before she was elected. I've listened to a few of her speeches and I agree with her more than I agree with McConnell on a number of political issues.

I am, however, disappointed by the campaign Grimes is running. Slogans like "Ditch Mitch" and "Team Switch" are all over local television and newspapers. Grimes's bid for the Senate is polling well simply because she's saying that she is not Mitch McConnell. I don't want to vote for someone because they aren't "the other guy;" I want to vote for someone.

I expressed my frustration to my husband about the fact that Kentucky's best hope of a Democratic US Senator is using grade school insults to persuade voters to vote for her. He listened for a minute, and then said, "She has a campaign team that is using polling data that shows what works to get a win."

"Ditch Mitch" works? "Team Switch" will win Grimes the election? If these absurd sayings work, I think we have a lot more to worry about than which candidate won the election. If someone who has only 19 months of public service experience can win a seat at the national level on elementary school level quips and not on her resume or voting record (because she doesn't have a voting record), what does that say about us as a society?

Sure, it might simply mean that more people voted against McConnell than for him.

But what else could Grimes's winning demonstrate? That we don't care who takes a seat in the US Senate as long as it's not "the other guy"? That we are perfectly fine not only supporting, but rewarding the playground insults (that we wouldn't allow our children to say) our elected government officials are using during their "elevated discourse"?

I'm tired. I'm tired of this divisiveness that we insist on clinging to like a lifeline. I'm tired of the die-hards out there who refuse to see the other side of every issue just because of who brought the issues up. I'm tired of the name calling. I'm tired of the holier-than-thous out there who think that people who don't agree with them just aren't smart enough to understand. I'm tired of the staunch patriots on both sides who think anyone on the other side of the aisle is a complete jerk. I can't be the only who's tired of all of this!

When we heard about the tragedy at Sandy Hook, who didn't hug their kids a little tighter that night? I can tell you it wasn't just Democrats who did.

When the death of Osama bin Laden was announced, who didn't feel a little tiny sense of relief knowing that he had finally been brought to justice? I can tell you it wasn't just Republicans who did.

Whenever we hear about kids who have bad schools or people without food or young moms who get laid off, who doesn't feel for them? We all do.

We all have common goals. We all have the same things we care about more than anything else in the world. Shake off that grade school sense of "I've gotta call this guy a bad name to make myself look better." Move on from that childish yearning for victory, just so you can say you've won, even if you haven't earned it. Become that person, that leader, who is willing to question his own opinion to give the other side a chance to be heard. Become a leader and, for the good of your country, reach across the aisle and shake the hand of someone who, deep down, is just like you.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Sources:
McConnell's voting record
2014 KY Senate Polling Statistics
KY Secretary of State Legislative Initiatives

The Bechdel Test: Women's Roles in Film

This morning I was doing my usual Facebook browsing while drinking my coffee, and came across an interesting status from one of my friends:

I'm lucky to have my friend Kelley. A month or so ago (to make a point) she asked me about naming movies which contain a scene where two or more women carry on a conversation W/O a man present and on a topic OTHER than men/ the male protagonist. A month later I've come up with "Fried Green Tomatoes" and not much else...can you help me out Face-bookers?

It got me thinking. And thinking. And then I became intrigued! I went through my DVD collection and out of 103 movies, the only two I have in which women are having a conversation without a man present and on a topic other than a man or men in general are "The Devil Wears Prada" and "Little Women."

The official test name for a piece of media in which there is a scene with a) at least two women present, b) the women talking to each other, and c) them talking about something other than a man is the Bechdel Test (not having a man present during the conversation is another criterium added to my friend's challenge). This test was first suggested by Virginia Woolf in regards to literature back in 1929, but became introduced by Alison Bechdel in 1985 in a comic strip. Kay Steiger refers to the Bechdel test as "the standard by which feminist critics judge television, books, movies and other media."

But why should it be used by only "feminist" critics? If we are truly interested as a society in achieving equality between men and women, shouldn't all critics be interested in this criteria? Shouldn't we want to see movies in which women are talking together about things other than relationships with men? This is not just about the feminist agenda; it's a cultural slap in the face to 150 million women. And what's worse is that we are all conditioned to it.

And we don't even realize it:

I previously mentioned that I have two movies that pass the Bechdel test. After going through my DVDs, I had a thought: what about movies in which men have a conversation on a topic other than a woman or women in general? The opposite of the Bechdel test, if you will. Out of 103 movies I own, 57 of them fit this criteria. Every superhero movie, every comedy, and every political or spy thriller fits this criteria but not the other.

I am what I would like to consider a rather forward thinker. Yet, over half of my movies have scenes in which men talk about things other than women and only two of my movies have scenes in which women talk about things other than men! I, an incredibly tuned-in fan of equality, have been watching and purchasing movies that are massively male-dominated!

But what does it mean?

We are still developing into the society a lot of people like to think we already have. A lot of people like to think that women have the same opportunities men have and that if we didn't have kids, we could be equally successful. That's not true yet. Many people like to think that racism is a thing of the past in our country. That's not true yet. A huge number of people in our country like to think that if you "want it badly enough and work hard enough," you can "get out" of wherever you come from and be whatever you want. That's not true yet. These are all ideals that we desperately crave and I feel like we assume they're already fact because we want so badly for them to be true.

But we have to realize where we come from; we, the American culture. It's been male dominated from the start, if you don't count the Native Americans as having started our culture (and let's be honest here, how many of us remember that they were American before our ancestors were?). It's been white dominated from the start. And it's been capitalist driven from the start. Can we expect our culture to change? Absolutely. Can we demand that there must be a change? Yes! But change is slow; it took us 150 years from the declaration of us being American to get to the white, male, capitalist part of who we are as a culture. We've only been burning bras and allowing our daughters and sisters to have opinions and jobs away from the home for 65 years. Yes, we've made some changes and yes, we're getting closer to the ideal society that we so deeply desire, but we're not there.

Yet.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Anthony Weiner: Chronic Cheater

I have a visceral negative reaction to cheating, no matter who is doing the cheating and regardless of whether or not I'm personally involved. The first time I ever heard of anyone "cheating" was the Monica Lewinsky scandal back when I was 10 years old. I was completely horrified by it! Why would a husband do that to his wife? What did Hillary do to deserve that? How could a father do that to his daughter? I was very upset with Bill Clinton in my little kid mind.

Fifteen years later, I haven't changed much when it comes to this topic. If anything, I take a harder line on it. Eight years ago I was on the "Monica" side of a cheating situation. I was 17 and when I realized how morally wrong everything I was doing actually was, I was the one who ended it. He is still married to the same woman. I've recently found out that he has continued cheating on her for seven years with at least three other girls.

Three years ago when I heard about Tiger Woods cheating on his wife with multiple women, I was destroyed. My dad had been through two heart surgeries and used the inspiration he got from Tiger's golf game to help himself get through physical therapy. Suddenly all of that meant nothing. Sure, his game still stood, but what did Tiger himself stand for?

Two years ago, Anthony Weiner was caught sexting many women. His wife, Huma, was pregnant with their son and I cried when I heard the news. Huma is a role model for women everywhere and she was publicly humiliated by her husband. A lot of women wanted her to leave Anthony because we all knew it was a chronic problem, not just a one-time occurrence (not that having a one-time fling is okay--Bill Clinton--it just changes the game a little bit).

Two weeks ago, Weiner got caught again. And it's not like the sexting was from 2011--it's from one year ago. A year ago is also around the same time he was in People Magazine saying he felt "like a different person."

When the new sexts came out a few weeks ago, people were shocked. Why? We need to learn that when people have a chronic cheating problem, it's chronic. That means that it does not go away. Men (and women) who cheat over and over, promising they'll "never do it again" every time they get caught, do not change.

Some people argue that rehab helps. Sure, just like it helps an alcoholic or drug user: that person will be fine until something triggers them and they need control or a "high" or whatever they use their addiction for.

Anthony Weiner is not a "different person." Neither is Tiger Woods or the guy I was involved with eight years ago. These chronic cheaters will always cheat. So don't let them cheat you by voting for them.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Rate-Your-Men App: Creepy, Sexist

Author's Note: It's good to be back! I had a wonderful wedding and honeymoon! Thank you all for being so patient and continuing to visit the site and blog while I've been gone. Wedding article coming soon!

Today I came across this news story about an app called "Lulu." It is a "girls-only" free app on which you can rate your male Facebook friends, including ex-boyfriends. You give them a number between 0 and 10 and then can leave descriptions, as well as positive and negative hashtags about them for other girls to see. The Lulu app is supposed to use "the power of collective wisdom to offer insights on life and love, and everything in between," according to its description on the App Store.

To write this piece with appropriate research, I downloaded the app. It might be one of the creepiest apps I've ever had! Every guy on your Facebook friends list is imported into this collage called a "dashboard." You can see their average score from all the girls who have rated them. When you click on a guy's photo, you see who has rated them: "friend," "hookup," "together," or "crush" and what hashtags they've used to describe them.

The screenshot to the right shows a guy who has had two hookups in a month. What happens when he wants a serious relationship? Are girls going to be scared off because of his "ratings?"

In this other screenshot I took, it shows the hashtags that girls have given him. What on earth does #QuestionableSearchHistory mean? The "best" hashtags include things like #RespectsWomen and #4.0GPA. What happened to the first date?! Why can't we find these things out on our own like we used to? And just because there's a hashtag on a guy, does that mean it's true? Is this now a digital way to pass up potential guys based on a hashtag, much like we used to dismiss guys based on their looks?

The other creepy thing about this app is that it has a "Last Seen" section to let all the ladies out there know where this eligible (or not eligible) man was seen. This seems a little too close to stalking. The guys are not providing this information--the girls are!

Now that we've explored the general creepiness of this act, there's something a little more morally questionable about the Lulu app: if guys had an app like this to rate the girls they know, there would be a lawsuit in less than 24 hours and it would get shut down. There is no way our society would support guys "objectifying women" and "pigeon-holing them with things such as hashtags." I am willing to bet that the same girls running around rating all the guys on Lulu would be horrified if there were guys rating photos of them in their bikinis and talking about their last "hookup."

Our society is in a habit of calling out sexism when men do it to women, but calling it "women's empowerment" and "collective wisdom" when women do it to men. This is a really good example of this blatantly obvious double standard.

This app was created by women, for women. Ladies, let's have a little self-respect. Women still struggle every day to get real, tangible equality. Do you really think teaching girls that it's okay to stalk the men they're interested in and that it's okay to say mean (oh--I mean "wise") things about guys because "they'll never see it" has any integrity? Is it good for girls to be used to objectifying men and then be massively offended when a guy makes an offhand comment about their looks because they feel that they are "only wanted for their looks?"

Lulu is an app that is, in my opinion, more destructive than helpful. It is extremely creepy and sexist. This is the kind of app that we need to speak out against and not allow to take hold in our already struggling society.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

"NSA Collects Data." And We're Surprised Because...?

Author's Note: Thank you to my readers for being so patient between articles. I'm now two weeks away from my wedding, so I'm running around like a crazy person! 

Last week Edward Snowden shared the news that the NSA collects data from phone customers and keeps it for its use as it sees fit. Apparently it also collects user data from Google, Facebook, and some other sites.

After the first year anniversary of dating my boyfriend, I started getting engagement ring ads on Facebook (why I got them and he didn't, I don't know!). After we got engaged, Facebook started giving me wedding dress ads. Google ads always seem to "know" where I am or what I'm interested in: concert ticket ads for bands I like, flower ads in my wedding colors, jewelry ads, etc. If Facebook and Google "know" these things about me, why are people shocked by the revelation that the NSA knows all of that plus our phone numbers and emails?

We are in an age of oversharing: people are willingly putting all the little details of their lives in public places. I don't think it's surprising at all that corporations and the government are using what we give them. Sure, there are "privacy policies" on Facebook and Google, but come on; who really thinks they have a private Facebook page? It seems ridiculous to even put "private" and "Facebook" in the same sentence! 

In all honesty, I've always assumed that the government knows everything I put online, every phone call I make, and everywhere I go that has a guest list. I don't mind that at all; it's my choice to "check in" when I get to certain places, use a cell phone, and "like" different things online. I am willingly sharing my life with my friends, strangers, and government, so I don't feel like I should be very upset that all of that data is collected.

What I do mind is the part of Snowden's report that explains that the government can use any and all of the data it's collecting now (and has been collecting) in the future to paint someone as something they're not. For example, ten years from now, let's say I write an inflammatory article condemning something the government does. Let's say it gets lots of attention and the government doesn't like it. The government could come back to this article that I'm writing now, find all my other articles, and paint me as someone who is argumentative, jumps on big news stories, and likes attention, thereby either discrediting me or turning me into this long-time radical political activist who needs to be--*cough, cough, wink, wink*--detained.

Do I get to choose what I share with the government? Kind of. Do I get to choose how the government uses the information I share? Not a chance! So. Is it ethical for the government to collect the information I willingly share with anyone who can find it on the internet? I'm going to go ahead and say, "sure." Yes, "requesting" my provided information from companies is different than "collecting" information unknowingly, but the government has made thousands of requests for personal information from Facebook and Google and I'm willing to bet that it was unbeknownst to those users. If the government "collects" my information without my knowledge, fine. 

Technically, any one of us can "collect" any information on anyone we want and we definitely don't have to tell them. I'm willing to bet that out of my 1,000+ Facebook friends, I could find at least 10 where I could go back in their "timelines" and find something that I could twist to make look horrible and get them fired from their jobs. Frankly, I am more concerned about the prospect of a Facebook "friend" that I met once five years ago trying to ruin my career for their own amusement than I am about the fact that the government is "collecting" my information.

This is a massive debate that is important to have, but we need to realize that it will be ongoing for as long as technology advances. I think we need to come to terms with the fact that while technology helps us and gives us access to things we couldn't even have imagined 50 years ago, it also gives strangers an inside look at our own personal lives; strangers that (for now) include the government.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

P.S. Hi, NSA, CIA, and/or FBI agent who's reading this to make sure I'm not a terrorist! Spoiler alert: I'm not. Hope you guys and gals have a wonderful day!

Grateful

My fiancé's parents are getting us a new washer and dryer for our wedding! Last night we went shopping with my future mother-in-law for them. We looked at all sorts of different kinds of washers and dryers: with or without fabric softener, digital or knobs, and top loaders vs. front loaders. We ended up settling on a really great Whirlpool set that saves water, energy, and doesn't have more digital technology than the first moon lander.

Through all of this, though, I had a thought: a decade ago, I was thrilled that we had a wringer in Vanuatu to wring out our hand-washed clothes instead of having to wring them out by hand before hanging them to dry. We always washed our clothes by hand in Vanuatu--there wasn't electricity to run a washer. And drying them, well, that's what a clothesline was for!

So, today I am grateful to have been born here. Even though I have all these awful medical things "wrong" with me, I won the genetic lottery: I live in a country that allows me to be successful, rich (compared to 5/6 of the world), and very picky about things that people in other countries can't even imagine.

Be grateful.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Top 5: Summer Edition

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what I'm going to do with this blog over the summer. For the next six weeks, I'm going to be incredibly busy with wedding plans and visiting my family. I don't want to shut the site down, but I might not have enough time to update this every day. So here's what I've decided: I'm going to try to keep writing every day, but the articles will probably be shorter. I would rather have frequent, short updates than sporadic, long articles. That way I can still keep up with everything that's going on in the world and stay connected with all of you, but I can get everything done that needs to get done!

So, that being said...it's summer!!! I love summer so much! These are my five favorite things about summer:

Yum!!!

1. Huge Salads. I love salads! The other day I suggested to my fiancé (a non-salad person) that we have salads for dinner. He was confused and kind of upset that I wanted to have a side item as our main dish. But then we made great salads: lettuce, hard boiled eggs, ham, cheese, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, and a little Italian dressing. And guess what? He loved the salad! :-) 

2. Swimming. My absolute favorite kind of exercise is swimming! Sure, it's fun to go to the pool and hang out, but I love swimming laps! It is so calming and it's great for your body: no impact on your joints! For those of us with the worst joints on the planet, it's a life-saver. 

So many parks!!!

3. Parks. The other day I was wandering around the internet trying to find something fun to do in our area. I came across a Cincinnati Parks app! There are a billion parks around here that I've never been to! I love going to the park and walking or reading or picnicking! Parks are the best during the summer!

4. Fun clothes. Unpacking the summer clothes is one of my favorite things! Wearing fun colors and great dresses is so great! I am, however, incredibly picky about my clothes and I guess this year is not really my year when it comes to buying new clothes. There are teeny tiny inseams on the shorts, awful neon colors, and boxy baggy shirts and dresses. But I was thinking about it yesterday while I was shopping and I think wearing clothes that you think are "fun" and make you feel good is the most important thing. Having fun in the summer is only possible when you feel your best! So wear what you think is "fun" and ignore the haters!

My fiancé and me!

5. Summer romance. My fiancé is a teacher, so during the year it's always go-go-go. I love getting to spend time with him in the summer! Getting to spend quality time with each other is something incredibly important for everyone's relationship. Get that old-school summer romance by taking an evening stroll around the neighborhood and holding your sweetie's hand or watching the stars come out together! 

Happy Summer, everyone! :-)

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Rerun: 5 Ways to Raise Your Self-Esteem--FAST!

Every now and again it's easy to feel sad, which can lead to being overly critical, which can lead to poor self-esteem. Here are five sure-fire ways to get you back to loving yourself in no time!

1. Write down 10 things you love about yourself. Start with 5 physical traits (e.g. hair, eyes, voice, etc) and then write 5 personality traits (e.g. passionate, loving, caring, etc), so you can identify the difference.

2. What's a chore you've been dreading (e.g. cleaning out the fridge, moving the couch to vacuum under it, etc)? Give yourself a finite amount of time in which to get it done and then finish it! It'll be off your mind and you'll be surprised at how much better you feel!

3. Do something that makes you feel good. Again, so you can identify how you think about yourself, start with the physical self: paint your nails, use a great body wash, or try a new shade of lipstick! Then do something that makes your mind feel good: do a brain teaser, meditate, or solve a self-problem you've been working on lately.

4. Identify something you are ridiculously good at and enjoy doing (e.g. painting, singing, writing, etc) and make at least 15 minutes a day for yourself to work on that passion. Having time to do your hobby every day will allow you to relax and clear your mind.

5. Do something nice for someone else. Anything from giving a compliment to sharing food to giving a gift will do the trick here! When you do something that is not egocentric, you will get a sense of fulfillment that will help you feel better about yourself.

Make today great!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Are Ads Fueling Bad Parenting?

I watch TV on a daily basis. I am also very sensitive to what I perceive to be "right" and "wrong" when it comes to family values. Lately I've noticed that a few ads have had the adverse effect on me than what the advertisers were going for. While I've noticed what they are for and remember them, they leave a bad taste in my mouth.

For example, a couple of commercials have implied that poor parenting is acceptable. In the following Nutella ad, the mother doesn't enforce anything she says: "Breakfast is ready!" No kids come. She says that she's putting Nutella on their toast and then they come. The mother says, "Put your plates in the sink, grab your backpacks" and the kids run off without cleaning up their plates, like she had asked. In response to this, she just smiles and waves it off. If I had ignored my mother like that when I was a kid, I would have been in so much trouble! I feel like this commercial is saying "it's okay" if your kids don't listen to you and you need to bribe them with a supposedly healthy treat to get them to follow directions. I think this mother needs to get a spine and set some expectations in the household.



This PediaSure commercial blew my mind. The little girl is trying to "poof" her healthy food away. The mom says that since she gives her daughter a PediaSure snack, she "doesn't have to worry so much" during dinner. Worry about what? Her daughter not eating her healthy food? Why not just tell your daughter that she is required to eat her food? I remember when I was five years old I sat at the table for an hour because I was refusing to eat my homemade tomato soup. My parents wouldn't let me leave the table until I finished. An hour later, it became clear to me that I was going to lose this battle if I kept it up, so I finished my (now cold) soup. What happened to parents enforcing rules?


In this Allstate ad, the dad says he's going to spend the money he saves by using Allstate instead of another insurance company to get noise canceling headphones after the kids start fighting and screaming in the background. While I think it was supposed to be a joke, the parents look resigned and the agent looks like she could not agree more. This commercial makes me feel like "it's okay" to just ignore your kids and let them fight it out. While, sure, all parents have felt this way at some point, wouldn't it be better for the media to be promoting good parenting?



So these are only three commercials, but I've had a TV for less than a year and before these three ads, I'd never seen anything like this. If anything, ads made it seem like everyone in them loved being in a family. But these three ads caught my eye because I'm not used to seeing parents refuse to do their jobs and parent their kids.

What are these ads teaching parents? That if you're busy and give your kid a semi-healthy snack it's okay to put on headphones and ignore them? That you're not the only parent who's overwhelmed and doesn't want to enforce rules in your house?

And what are these ads teaching kids? Granted, kiddos don't really watch ads, but they absorb everything. Everything! Are kids learning that it's okay to refuse to eat veggies because mommy can buy a shake that you will get for a snack? That it's fine for you to fight as long as your parents don't care enough to help you and your sibling learn to compromise? That it's totally okay to ignore a direct order from your mom because she'll just laugh and wave it off?

Parenting is something I take very seriously--and I'm not even a parent yet! It is hardwired in my brain to think in every situation, "How would I explain this to my kid?" or "Would I feel like it's appropriate for my child to take part in this or watch this or have this become part of their habits?" Sure, I don't have kids yet, but I have two extraordinary parents who took their jobs as parents extremely seriously. And I feel like these ads are not conducive to promoting a culture of good parenting.

What do you think?

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

London Terror Attack: Showing the Corpse on TV?!

I generally do not post more than once a day, but I saw something on the news today that offended me and I wanted to see what you all think of it. In London today there was an extremely violent murder of a British soldier. CNN decided that it would be appropriate to show a video of the murderer talking to the camera about why he killed this guy--with the dead soldier in the background!!!

First, I understand that the news doesn't get rated under the television content rating system, but if this were a movie, it would be PG-13. There is a bloody-handed murderer confessing to the murder to the camera while holding a knife and a meat cleaver. If you just have the news on in your house and your kids come home from school and see that, is that okay? I am a very sensitive person and was incredibly horrified to see that they were showing a dead soldier on camera over and over again.

Next, what if that British soldier was your brother or husband or son? I really think it would be even more traumatic than already having that person in your family murdered. If that were my relative, I would absolutely not want his dead body being shown all over international television. It's so insensitive!

So, what do you think?

Things You Shouldn't Say

This morning I woke up in an incredibly snarky mood. I was watching the news and had strong opinions about literally everything I was seeing: anchors' clothing choices, headline stories, commercials...everything. So I thought I would share. Some of you will think some of it is inappropriate, but hey, we all have days like this, and I'd rather put it out there than just let it simmer in my head all day.

1. Department of Justice. People are upset that the Obama administration has cracked down on "whistle-blowers." They're upset that his administration is not as "transparent" as he promised it would be. This morning on "Morning Joe" they killed about 7 minutes of air time discussing it. Why are they and we even pretending to "know" anything that's going on? There is no administration that can be "transparent." Obama said that to get elected and I don't think even he knew the extent to which he cannot be transparent. If you actually believed that he was going to share every possible terror threat with the country, you're insane.

In our age of endless instant information, of course there will be more whistle-blowers dealt with because there are more of them. I would rather have the administration keep certain things to themselves so that I'm not paranoid that our country is going to get blown up today than have to be given a daily briefing on which terrorist group wants to kill us all today.

People on both sides of the aisle are very upset about this, but come on. If the administration told us all everything that was going on for even a day, the same people who are currently upset would lose their minds about the administration over-sharing and making the citizens of our country freak out.

2. Tornado Victims Without Insurance. Yesterday I heard that a lot of the people who lived in the Oklahoma communities that got blown apart by the tornados didn't have insurance because they couldn't afford it. Of course we are all going to donate money and supplies to help them get their homes back even though they don't have insurance.

But the some of the same people who would have a cow if Obama didn't expedite federal help to these people who "chose" to not have insurance because they couldn't afford it are the same people who backed Hobby Lobby's fight against Obamacare so that their female employees don't get federally funded birth control. These are the same people who think that each person should be held accountable for their own health: "Why should we help them? They had the opportunity to be responsible and get a good job and purchase health insurance and they chose not to. Why are they my responsibility?" How are the tornado victims who don't have insurance any different? Why are you willing to help them, but not a 15-year-old girl who is a product of her environment, has not had the opportunity to be educated, and has no insurance?

3. TV Anchors Wearing Fluorescent Colors. This has been a long time coming. I actually have started making daily notes on anchors' outfits because there are the same mistakes being made over and over again. Today, I'm only going to focus on color: just because fluorescent is trendy doesn't mean it translates well on TV. And shouldn't our anchors be trendy on the upscale level, not the teenybopper level? Sixth graders are wearing neon. Professional adults are not.

Bright red, pink, orange, yellow, and lime green have got to get out of your wardrobe! 90% of the time, it washes you out because your complexion and the makeup you're wearing (well, not wearing) can't handle the intensity of the color you're wearing. Also, take 3 seconds and look at your background. If you wouldn't put hot pink in front of a bright red in your house, don't put it together on something that's in my house (the TV). It's very simple.

I really feel like my local news station is better at this than a lot of the national stations which shocks me, because the national stations have extensive stylists who are supposedly keeping our anchors looking good on TV. I would like to point out that I am not calling any particular station or stations out. Even my favorite anchors have had this neon transgression! But since I've started taking daily notes, I've been going to channels I don't normally go to and it's a recurring problem. Especially on the channels I don't watch! ;-)

So. The article on horrible commercials will be for tomorrow. It's written, but I don't want to overdo it! Venting just made me feel a tad better and I feel like I'm ready take on all of your comments that I'm sure you'll not hesitate to share! ;-)

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Oklahoma Tornado Aftermath

I was napping yesterday afternoon when I was awakened by a notification from CNN that said that parts of Oklahoma City were flattened by a tornado. I turned on the news and was shocked to see the photos from the destruction!

This morning, I don't have a whole lot to say about this because what can I say? If a photo says 1000 words, then here 39,000 "words" for you. I didn't put the photos right in this in case people didn't want to see them, but the slideshow included on this post is really fascinating to see.

This morning keep each other safe. Be kind to one another. Please donate $10 to the Red Cross to help the victims of the Moore, Oklahoma tornado by texting the word REDCROSS to 90999. Hug your kids and loved ones a little longer than normal tonight. Pray for Oklahoma.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

Hits and Misses at the Billboard Music Awards

This morning I stumbled bleary-eyed and yawning out into the living room, where my fiancé was watching the news. The very first thing I saw was Jennifer Lopez in a very high-cut red swimsuit coming toward the audience crotch first. I was blown away! I found her Billboard Music Awards (BBMA) performance online and watched it. I was horrified. It included malfunctioning boots, a stripper pole, and her hands on her *ahem*...area. For the record, she looks amazing for a 43 year old, but I don't need her to prove it by showing all parts of herself. Here's her performance. Would you want your daughters watching this?


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JLo Verdict
Costume: MISS.
Performance: MISS.

I decided to go through the BBMA performances and see what the other female performers did. Note: Yep, I'm only focusing on the ladies, because I don't have much to say about men's costumes--I really hate most of them, but at least they cover what needs to be covered.

I'm not a massive Taylor Swift fan, but I was a huge fan of her outfit and performance last night! I watched her performance this morning and the reason I loved it so much is that she looks like she is having fun and she's wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and sneakers! Sure, the shirts are short, but at least what she was wearing on the bottom had an inseam! Even when she tries to do a "sexy move" or something in her dancing, she looks awkward and it's endearing, because she is only "22."


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Taylor Swift Verdict
Costume: HIT!!!
Performance: HIT!!!

I've never seen Selena Gomez perform in my entire life until this video. I was very confused and actually looked up whether she had Indian ancestors because of the theme of this song. She has some Hispanic ancestors and a little bit of Italian in her, so why did she use an Indian theme? She wasn't actually even very good at the so-called "belly dance." But, she didn't show her belly! I loved her outfit, but thought the song was a little too racy and the theme was in bad taste.


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Selena Gomez Verdict
Costume: HIT!!!
Performance: MISS.

Nicki Minaj (who, like Selena, I've never seen perform--is her toosh real??) wore a very tight and shredded black outfit that didn't leave much to the imagination. At one point she gave Lil' Wayne a lap dance/twerk (I don't know how to use the word "twerk" correctly!). It was really disturbing how she was touching her...area...like JLo did, too. I mean, it was bad enough when Michael Jackson did it, and there are a bunch of guy artists who wander around grabbing themselves, but ladies?? Come on! It's really gross!


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Nicki Minaj Verdict
Costume: MISS.
Performance: MISS.

So. What do you think? Since it's a show should the costumes be "whatever goes" or since there are a lot of young people (especially girls) who watch the show, should the costumes be held to a certain standard? This year at the Oscars there was a dress code. I think there should also be a dress code for performers. It's the "Billboard Music Awards," not the "Billboard Who-Has-the-Craziest-Costume-While-They-Lip-Sync Awards." Slutty costumes do not enhance the music; but great costumes enhance a performance. If pop stars want to have massively sexy music videos, fine. People go look for those and watch them. But at a "family friendly" awards show? I don't think it's the place for super-sexy costumes. You can have a great costume without it being whorish. Taylor Swift looked amazing, and she was covered up!

Sophia Grace and Rosie

Last week on Ellen Degeneres's show, Ellen announced that she would send the adorable Sophia Grace and Rosie to cover the red carpet and then watch the show. They're preteens by a LONG shot, being 10 and 7 years old, respectively. Is it okay to show little kids stripper moves and costumes that are considered to be just part of our music culture? Our kids idolize the celebrities they see on TV. What are we doing to their little tiny minds by showing them this? Where does parental responsibility end and TV responsibility begin?

BBMA Performances Overall Verdict:
Costumes: MISS.
Performances: MISS.
PG Rating: MISS.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi