Three weeks ago I was diagnosed with bipolar II. It runs in my family and I've had friends joking about me having it for years, so it wasn't a huge surprise to get the diagnosis. I've been on medication trials for a couple of weeks and, while it's hard to find something that doubles well with the fibromyalgia, my mood has improved amazingly. I feel happy for no reason sometimes again, it's easier to not sweat the small stuff, and my relationship with my husband is better than ever!
The only hard part about this diagnosis has been peoples' reactions to hearing it. Some people immediately feel uncomfortable and ignore that I've just said something: "Oh...and how is your husband's job going?" His job is amazing, thank you. Some people feel like I need to be reassured: "It's okay. Everything will be okay." Yes, I know. Some people want to know if it's curable and act like it's a cold or the flu: "When will you get over it?" Never. This is just the way my brain works.
Bipolar II is not the "bipolar" you see in the movies. I don't stay up for four days straight obsessing over one hobby or project. I don't start screaming at people over the the tiniest things. I don't go from depressed to manic in 20 seconds flat. I go through a similar cycle to this, but over the period of a few weeks, not minutes. For a few weeks I have the tendency to be irritable, tired, and generally grumpy. Then I have a few days when I don't need as much sleep and I'm alert and happy.
Bipolar II is nothing to be afraid of. I am so thankful for this diagnosis! This helps everything. Yes, I'm doing medicine trials to try to make my pain more bearable. Yes, I've sent out over 70 job applications and I'm still unemployed. Yes, I am throwing up and having migraines almost every day because of the medicine.
But, I'm not crying every day over little tiny things anymore. I don't see myself as a victim of my circumstances anymore. I'm not scared of the future anymore. I'm happy! And yeah, I still get frustrated sometimes, but that's not because I have bipolar II--it's because I'm a person.
Please don't tiptoe around acting like bipolar II is something to be ashamed of. Keeping it in the shadows just makes it harder for those of us who actually have it and aren't ashamed of it. Ask questions, read articles, and talk about it!
"Be the change you wish to see in the world."--Gandhi
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