But what if I wasn't allowed to get married? What if I was in love with someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but I didn't get to be married? What if that proposal had been bittersweet because I knew it meant years of being treated like a second-class citizen even though I was living with the love of my life?
Unfortunately, the questions I just asked are what happens to our gay and lesbian friends, family, and neighbors every day. They don't have the right to get married in our country. Only in nine states and the District of Columbia is gay marriage legal.
Why? Because right-wing conservative Christians think that gay marriage is a sin and shouldn't be allowed.
Okay. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinions--until they restrict someone else's rights. Who do these evangelical "Christians" think they are? Why do they think that their hate is God's will? Did Jesus say, "Hate your neighbor and take their rights away if they're different"? I'm no biblical scholar, but even I know that Jesus said, "Love your neighbor." So is it Christ-like of these so-called "Christians" (meaning "follower of Christ") to decide that certain people shouldn't be allowed to have the same legal recognition of their love that straight people have? (Oh--and by the way, our country isn't Christian: it has the separation of church and state, so "Christian" values don't really have a place in this discussion, do they?)
Conservatives who are against gay marriage tout "traditional values" as the reason that gay marriage is an abomination. Guess what? I believe in traditional values 100%. I believe that if a couple decides to have a family, it should be the center of their lives; the "home base," if you will. I believe that families should love each other and make sure that every member of that family has what they need. I believe that having a married set of parents is important for a family--it provides stability. And I believe that having a family is a right.
I am already a rather moderate person, and getting more conservative by the day. I am personally fiscally conservative, I don't like Hollywood making "Spring Break" movies showing our girls that it's "normal" to be slutty and drunk in high school, and I'm not very compromising when it comes to how seriously I take family values. But even though I'm probably the most conservative in my entire family, I don't believe that it is my right to tell someone else that they cannot have the same rights I have.
Why should I get to be legally recognized for being in the best relationship of my life but someone else shouldn't be? I didn't do anything to earn that right and they didn't do anything to lose that right--so why should I get it and they shouldn't? It's not my right to make a decision about their rights for them.
Last week Ohio senator Rob Portman changed his mind on the gay marriage issue because his son is gay. While I am thrilled that he changed his stance, the fact that it is taking a family member being gay to convince conservative leaders that gay people should have rights is kind of amazing. But it worked for him and it worked for Cheney. So here is my challenge for all of you who think that gay people shouldn't be allowed to get married:
- Think of the person in your life that you love the most.
- Think about how upset you would be if they weren't allowed to be legally married.
- Get on board.
Now, if your empathetic side isn't quite up to snuff, try this challenge instead:
- Think about yourself.
- If you're married, think about all the great things that you have because you're married.
- All those things were just taken away from you.
- You are a second-class citizen.
- You are not allowed to get married to the person you love, because it's illegal.
- You are never going to have the same rights as everyone else.
- You are second rate.
- You are not equal.
- You do not have the same job opportunities as "normal" people.
- You will never make as much money as "normal" people.
- You have to fight to be heard every day.
- And you--YOU--are not equal to ME because you are different.
- YOU are less than me.
I didn't like writing that--it felt mean and hateful. And it was. I hope it got under your skin a little bit. That is what the gay and lesbian community faces every day. It is hate and it is wrong. Get on board.
Today and tomorrow the Supreme Court of the United States is going to be discussing gay marriage rights in the U.S. This is a civil rights issue, just like race discrimination is. If it were left up to the states to decide whether or not to have in their state constitutions that African Americans, Native Americans, Latino Americans, or any other non-white American could not be discriminated against, how do you think that would work out? We need to have gay rights recognized as federal law, not on a state-by-state basis.
I don't have any tolerance for discrimination. I just don't. People are people. Love is love. Equality is equality. None of that should be based on where you're from, what you look like, who you love, and what you want in life. I hope and pray that we will get equality in this country sooner than later. I am so ashamed to even have to say that in 2013 as an American. We must have equality.
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| From the Human Rights Campaign. |
"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi
First of all, gay marriage is legal in my state and I voted for it(no church is 'required' to marry gay persons). I am an agnostic Christian, prefering to practice my spirituality in my own personal way with no man-made church dogma. Church is not for me, but I certainly have no problem with others worshipping as they please. I have many so-called right-wing evangelistic friends. Not ONE hates any gay person; they just believe that 'marriage' is for traditional couples in order to have children. They believe that we are ALL children of God and should love one another. They take the Bible literally and firmly believe in traditional marriage. Although I respect and believe they have the right to think this way,I think they are misguided. I would NEVER think it is OK to impune their values and beliefs as 'hateful' and call them "Christians" --you just devalued them, their beliefs and personal values; the same thing you accuse others of doing to gays. Shame on you! By the way, it isn't just right wing evangelistic "Christians" who don't approve of gay marriage-numerous religions celebrated in our country believe the same way. People have the right to disagree without being called hateful just because they believe their faith is in opposition with gay marriage.
ReplyDeleteYour arguments are compelling but only address the emotional side of the issue, totally disregarding religious beliefs, constitutional arguments and voters' rights to have their votes count.
Awesome comment! Yes, not all Christians are hateful and I absolutely did devalue some of them. Also, yes, it's not ONLY right-wing conservatives who disagree with gay marriage, but they are the ones who are being the most inflammatory.
DeleteThe reason I didn't go into all the religious beliefs, constitutional arguments and voters' rights is because it already seemed long enough. What I think about this issue could fill a book. Or two or three! I wrote about the emotions because that's what usually strikes people the strongest.
I appreciate this comment because you definitely called me out. I'm not 100% sure that I said the "right" things in this, but the reason I did was to get dialogue going--and it worked.
Ah! I just accidentally deleted your comment instead of publishing it! :-( I'm so sorry! Thank you!
DeleteVery interesting points in both of these arguments. It's so easy to get caught up in the emotional side and to just dismiss our state, federal laws and constitutional considerations. I have a gay relative who is also a constitutional attorney and he is actually opposed to gay marriage, but supports civil unions. He and his partner had a ceremony with their minister to confirm their committment. They just successfully adopted a child. They don't feel like second-class citizens, they can visit each other in the hospital, they have health, life, car, home insurance together, legally bought a house, car, boat etc together. They are members of their church, just joined their local PTA and have never had any problems living their lives together. Perhaps we're just arguing about the word 'marriage'? My relative says that just because he has a 'civil union' rather than 'marriage', he would challenge anyone to imply that he has anything less with his partner.
ReplyDeleteHi, Jen! I think if your relative is fine having a civil union, that's great. But not all states give their gay and lesbian population that option. My older sister is gay and had the opportunity to get married in California in 2008 during the six months it was legal. The fact that her friends CAN'T get married in the same state she DID get married in doesn't seem right. I think it would be a compromise if they decided to allow gay civil unions but not gay marriages, but for now, I think it would be something we could work with until marriage was allowed.
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