For the last two weeks my fiancé, Josh, has been working 12 to 16 hours a day at school. He was the music director for the musical "Oklahoma!" It was fantastic! His kids did a wonderful job and I couldn't be more proud of them or him!
The musical ran from Thursday through Saturday. Our weekly date night is Friday night. Obviously this last week, Friday was completely out: Josh was at school until 10:15pm, I was at home cleaning and watching the Big East tournament semifinals, and we were both exhausted by the time we saw each other. We decided to go to Saturday morning brunch as our date. It was so much fun! We went to IHOP (I know there are political problems with this company--I love their pancakes and I am not going to take a political stand on everything.) and spent literally three hours just talking. It was so great! We talked about his school stuff, neuroscience, ADHD, seeing potential in yourself, and us. Getting to have that weekly time with each other makes it so much easier to be best friends, not just lovers. We are so incredibly lucky to be more in love than almost any other couple we've met!
We got home and cleaned our apartment because our families were coming to the musical on Saturday night. Josh cleaned the kitchen while I did the bathroom and then we blitzed the living room together. The chemistry we have when it comes to getting things done is so good. We know what needs to be done, we know what the other can handle, and we work together to make it happen.
I know that no relationship is perfect, and ours isn't without its flaws; but it is so good! While a lot of what we have does come naturally, we do work at our relationship. Here are the seven most important things I can tell you about being in a successful relationship:
2. Have a weekly date. I saw something a couple of weeks ago about how a couple never had a date because they make their kids their priority. Now, obviously, we don't have kids yet so that's not super-relevant, but even when we do have kids, we will still have a weekly time for just us. We have had a weekly date every week since we started dating. They're usually on Friday night but, like last week, sometimes we move our dates around a little bit. Sometimes we are so exhausted by Friday that we just stay in and watch a movie and get Chinese food. Set that time aside for yourselves, though. It makes such a difference. I mean, we spend a lot of time together, but "Date Night" is different than just a night at home. Make it special, make it about you, and make it something you both want to do.
4. Be honest. If you are in a truly great relationship, the other person will not write you off if you screw up. You will work through it and move on. So, just be honest with your partner. This is my biggest one. I have trust issues (I know how cliche that sounds, but it's true.) because of things that happened to me a long time ago, not because of anything Josh did. However, if he were ever untruthful to me and then I found out about it, it would probably mess with my head for months. I am a little bit too honest with Josh; he has told me multiple times that he doesn't need to hear every detail of my day. But because of where my head is, I don't ever want to lie to him, even by accident. Josh doesn't tell me every detail of his days, and I'm fine with that. But I know he's honest with me and doesn't hide things or lie to me or anything. If you can't say that about your relationship, that might be the place to start working.
7. Show appreciation for each other. To really show appreciation for your partner, ask them how they feel appreciated. That might sound really silly, but it's not. I feel appreciated when Josh verbally says, "Thank you for..." or "I love the way you..." Josh feels appreciated when I do something like doing the dishes or having the house decently in order. This was a disconnect for us for a long time because I would say things to him like, "Thank you for working so hard" or "I love how dedicated you are to your job" because that's how I feel appreciated. He would do things like go to the store and pick up a few things or fill my car with gas. I appreciated those things, but didn't feel like I was being appreciated, if that makes sense. We actually talked about it a few months ago and realized that we were "appreciating" the other person the way we want to be appreciated. So now, I'm making an effort to do the dishes or something and he is making the effort to verbally acknowledge what I do. We both feel a lot more appreciated. :-)
I hope these tips help some people and I hope that those of you in great relationships just nodded for the last five minutes while you were reading them. :-) There are thousands more tips, of course, but these are just the ones I had at the front of my mind today.
"Be the change you wish to be in the world." --Gandhi
I'm not a sarah palin fan either, but you and others somehow feel that you can mock her with impunity. In your tweets this morning, you mocked her big hair and her middle school attitude, while in your criticism you were doing the same thing!Somehow it's OK for you because you own the higher ground? The reason I bring this up here instead of pointing it out in a tweet is that I enjoy your blogs, tweets, etc and don't want to be blocked for having a differing opinion--i've seen you do that to people. I enjoy looking at the opinions of others, learning from them and keeping myself fresh instead of getting bogged down in my own self-righteous opinions. May I give you this advice in the spirit in which you always give the rest of us your advice? Thanks for listening.
ReplyDeleteHi! I just want to say up front that I appreciate your view an your comments even though they do sometimes differ from mine. The only person I've blocked on Twitter publicly who had a differing opinion is someone I checked out and it was a spam account. I'm really sorry if it came off that I block people I don't agree with--I don't. The only ones I block are spam accounts. Please feel free to tweet me--I LIVE on Twitter Mon-Fri and will reply a lot faster than on here. :-)
DeleteTo your point about Palin. I'm not sure I was mocking her. That Big Gulp nonsense she pulled at CPAC was ridiculous and worthy of a middle school presidential race. It was pathetic. And if you read my tweets you know that I comment a LOT on peoples' appearances (probably too much), sometimes good things and sometimes not so good things. I didn't get criticized for tweeting that I think Hillary DESPERATELY needs a hairstylist in her suitcase with her ALL the time. She can't do her own hair so that it looks nice. Palin's hair is ridiculous right now. It's giant. In 2008 it was fine--I think she just amped up the mousse too much. I think I was just criticizing her--not mocking her. And none of what I tweeted was nearly as degrading to myself as bringing a Big Gulp on stage and thinking that she was being a leader by doing that.
I agree that not being self-riteous is important and I don't think I am. I am critical toward everyone pretty equally. If you look back at my tweets from around the sequester I lost my mind at Obama. I've tweeted about Harry Reid in a less than positive light. And I've tweeted that I think Sarah Palin treats politics like a pageant. Seems pretty equal to me.
Perhaps I'm just being overly sensitive. We have so many HUGE problems in the world and here at home, I find it difficult to criticize surface things--looks, clothes, etc. Instead, I'd rather have a mature discussion on the person's beliefs, views, etc. Whether I agree with it or not, Palin was making a political statement regarding our liberties and the encroaching 'nanny state' by drinking a Big Gulp on stage. It seems that people of your generation are all too ready to give up personal freedoms as long as it doesn't affect you, you may never (as I never) drink or want to drink a Big Gulp, but I certainly don't want the government making that choice for me. Just as I don't want them telling me who I can/cannot marry, regulate and pay for my birth control as long as it's 'state approved', decide how long I can live by controlling my healthcare....That's the point she was making--it was a political gimmick; immature or not, she made a good point. I'm sure that if we continue down this path, you'll find that a lot of your personal freedoms will be gone in the future--things you take for granted now. I'm just asking that you think about the consequences of all of these regulations and restrictions on our personal liberties rather than just picking on someone's hair, clothing, etc. It could just be a generational thing, but when we make fun of others or criticize superficial things, we run the risk of not critically thinking and confronting these issues head-on. Thanks for the dialog!
DeleteI agree with you that there are HUGE problems in the world. I grew up in a third-world country. Overall I agree with you that we should not focus on the little surface things and turn our attention to our world issues. But don't you have any indulgences? I don't say everything that comes to mind when I see a photo of someone or something, but if I do, so what? I think that if I spent an entire week doing blog posts about people's hair or nails or clothes, that would warrant a question, but it was a sentence in parentheses and a couple of tweets. That's all.
DeleteI'm trying to think about what would happen in the future if our government did more:
~My older sister would be legally married in the country, not just in California.
~There would be less teen pregnancy because the government would pay for birth control for girls who can't pay for it.
~The obesity rate would drop because people wouldn't be allowed to buy stuff that's bad for them.
~The quality of education would go up because our teachers would be paid based on their merit and not just because they've existed in a school system for 30 years.
~Our veterans would have better care and attention after they get home from a tour.
Those are just a few things that could happen if the government did more, and I don't see how that takes away rights--only how it gives them.
I agree with your statement that criticizing superficial things curbs critical thinking and confronting the issues but the point of my post today was NOT to confront the issues. It was a passing comment about WHY I had on opinion, how it could be snarky, and the reason that I wanted to move to something more universal: love. If I wrote an entire post about Sarah Palin and only talked about what she wears and her hair, you absolutely have the grounds to criticize the poop out of that post. But that wasn't today's post.
First, the government doesn't "give" rights. All people are endowed rights by their creator. The government restricts rights. I totally agree with you that our teachers should be paid based on merit rather than given tenure--better teachers and teaching would certainly be the result. The unions have greatly compromised our educational system.
ReplyDeleteAccording to a constitutional attorney I know, your sister is legally married in our country if she was legally married in her state period. As long as churches aren't 'forced' to marry people against the tennants of their beliefs, I totally agree that gays and lesbians should be allowed to marry(a right endowed by their creator!).
The government, through Medicaid, already provides birth control services for those who can't afford it, and has for decades. Planned Parenthood and other public and private services are available, as well. My college aged daughter 'bought' her birth control on a sliding scale (ability to pay-$3/mo.), through Planned Parenthood, all through college as she didn't want her parents to know about it or to pay for it. Once government(taxpayers) starts paying for any aspects of our healthcare, they start regulating and beaurocrats start deciding how, when, where,and if we can access certain care--just watch as Obamacare starts taking effect.
**side note: A beautiful, vibrant 86 year old friend of mine needs to have a hip replacement. Her doctor is urging her to do it NOW as she will most likely be told she is 'too old' to have the procedure once Obamacare takes full effect. Her doctor is retiring because of Obamacare and she must shop around and decide quickly on the doctor she will trust with her surgery. This is a women in fantastic physical shape, sharp as a tack, totally independent,volunteers her time--she's just 'old'--but lives a more productive life than most people in middle age that I know. Darn shame and makes me sick to think about it.
I also think that education is the answer to our obesity problem. We just can't go down the path of banning everything that someone deems is unhealthy for us. For example, I love yoga, do it everyday and feel better in all aspects of my life as a result. However, yoga isn't good or appropriate for everyone and can be damaging for some, depending on their health. Do we just ban it because it can injure some? No, we educate people and they and their doctors decide if it's appropriate for them. No government need get involved. I don't want some beaurocrat trying to save a buck telling me what I can and cannot do! It's just wrong--I'm responsible for myself and want the right to do what I think is best for me.
Thanks for responding to my reply and for your explaination on why you wrote your blog as you did. I appreciate the chance to have my opinions heard and to hear your opinions, as well. I'm just generally alarmed and sometimes shocked about how quickly my fellow countrymen/women are to throw the Constitution under the bus and to give up their rights, responsibilites, and privilidges for 'freebees'(paid by their fellow countrymen/women). I'm 'picking' on you because your are there and providing a forum-Thanks for that!