Thursday, October 11, 2012

The Modern Woman: How Do You Define Being a Woman?

I've been a "feminist" my whole life. I was raised believing that women can do anything we want to do, and I have always expected that I would take the world by storm. I've always played with the boys and demanded nothing less than being better than them. To me, being a 21st century woman meant being a powerhouse career woman and defying all odds to beat the men.

This year is definitely not going how I expected it would go. I am not working a full-time job because I'm taking the year to learn how to cope with fibromyalgia and what my body needs to be healthy while it's in pain. I'm writing this blog and contributing to another site, as well as working on the Obama campaign. I live with my fiancé who is a high school teacher and when we moved in together, we came to the very practical agreement that I would do most of the housework, since he works full time.

To be completely honest, when it started, I loved it! I thought it was fun because we had just moved up here and everything was new. I was setting up house and playing the role of the 1950s housewife. It was fun, sending Josh off to work, then cleaning and making the house look nice while he was gone, and kissing him when he got home with dinner simmering on the stove. That lasted about two weeks.

I suddenly realized in mid-August that I was relying on a man to bring in money and I was keeping his house. I went through a major identity crisis. What had happened to the career-driven woman from my past? Was it wrong for me to enjoy staying home and making it look nice? Had I completely wasted the last five years in college getting a degree I'm not using? Was realizing that I want to have kids and be a stay-at-home mom good enough for me? What does "good enough" mean? It was the worst month I've ever had! I was engaged to a wonderful man who supports me doing anything (something I've always wanted), but I wasn't happy, because I couldn't figure out what I wanted.

Now, two months later, after weekly psychologist visits and continued support from Josh, as well as the success of this blog, I am comfortable with where I am. Is being a homemaker where I saw myself at 23? No way. But we can't ever imagine the curve balls life will throw us. I was diagnosed in January with fibromyalgia--how would I have ever guessed that this would happen to me? It's still hard sometimes, seeing Josh with his own classroom and program, because sometimes I feel like that's where I should be, too; but I'm learning to be comfortable with myself and my circumstances, and that's something that when I wanted to be a career woman I had never thought of at all. One thing I have found is that the more comfortable I get with myself, the less pain I'm in.

I absolutely can't wait to have kids and stay home with them*. I love having a clean house. I enjoy making food. I really like writing this blog. I love the fact that I don't have to miss work because I'm feeling bad on a particular day; I just relax and maybe the dusting doesn't get done that day.

I don't think the dream of being a powerhouse woman is gone at all. I just think that the perception of what a "powerhouse woman" is, has changed. I am going to be the best mom ever (except for my mom, of course!). I am working on having a successful "from home" blogging career. This blog is going better than I ever expected! It's crazy! I have over 3600 hits in less than 6 weeks! I look forward to being one of the logistics coordinators for the Obama campaign during GOTV in November. After the election, I can't wait to volunteer for a different non-profit organization. And, most of all, I love the fact that I'm getting healthier. I am proving that even though fibromyalgia can change the course of your life and take you where you never expected to go, you can make it something great and thrive. I am a powerhouse woman. I have to take naps and sit down a lot, but I honestly believe that I am on my way to being exactly who I never knew I wanted to be. :)

So, I guess I am a bit of a 1950s girl, but you know what? Being a 21st century woman means that you get to define what being a woman is for yourself. And I love being this definition of "woman" I've chosen for myself.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi

*For all of you freaking out and wondering if I'm pregnant, I'm not. :) We are not having kids for a long time. I'm just looking forward to it when it does happen.

6 comments:

  1. GOOD FOR YOU for learning this all at such a young age! I came of age in the 70's right during the major women's movement, being told that I could be anything I wanted to be as well. I graduated from college, worked for a year in my profession and then decided to start a family with my husband--we had 4 children and I became a stay-at-home mother. Loving every minute of the cleaning, cooking, driving, teaching, volunteering, holding my kids and watching every minute of my children's growth. Imagine my surprise when I'd attend functions with my husband's business people and I'd be asked "what do you do?" by these lovely, fashionable career women. More often than not, they'd run away from me as quickly as possible when they found out I was a MOM! Being a feminist, to me, has always meant the freedom that I could be anything, do anything that I fancied, that I was passionate about! Being a feminist to some people means being what THEIR idea of a feminist is. Took me awhile to get over being looked at as some strange dinosaur, but my husband and I raised completely happy, successful, responsible children--the toughest, but best 'career' on the planet! You have a 'leg-up' by realizing this now at your age before you have a family. Have a great life!

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    1. Wow! Thank you so much! :) I really appreciate this comment! I've definitely had a lot of women my age wonder what I'm thinking, wanting to be a mom. It's so funny to me that being a mom has become "weird" by today's standards. I love the fact that you were a stay-at-home mom and LOVED it! :) We need more people like you!

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  2. Good post! May I ask you to really take a 2nd look @Obama. There are a lot of really scary things going on in this administration now-especially with the Libian stuff. Major, Major. Why did these people die?

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    1. Thank you! I agree that Libya is a weird, scary situation. I don't, however, believe that Romney would do it better. When it came out after 9/11 that the government may have known about the attack plan, people wanted Bush out of office. I can understand people wanting Obama out of office. I, however, refuse to have a one-issue vote. I believe that Obama IS still the best man for the job. The fact that this brings the total issues I disagree with the Obama administration up to maybe two or three doesn't mean that I'm going to vote for Romney: someone I only AGREE with on two or three issues.

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  3. Who we "want to be" is ever evolving. I am glad that at 23 you are already embracing this:-) Ciao, Princess Ivana

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    1. :-) Thank you! I so appreciate that you reading this!

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